June 30, 2011

Private Journal Entry - June 13, 2010

This "private journal entry" was originally written for my eyes only.  A way to express myself openly and truthfully without feeling judged.  The emotions are raw, the writing, blunt and unedited, the feelings are sometimes very hard to revisit (at least the negative ones), but so very very real.

It is now published as part of my mental health timeline.  To start from the beginning, visit: Through Hell and Back (more than once)-Timeline of Recovery and Discovery.  

June 13, 2010

As one who suffers from my fair share of mental turmoil, I am forever on a quest for peace of mind, peace of heart, and peace and quiet.

It dawned on me tonight that while I am constantly in search of peace, I very rarely find it.  It seems as though I am always looking in the wrong places.

Peace does not come from having control of ones surroundings, control of ones emotions, or a lack of children in the household. 

Peace comes from having faith and trusting in Our Heavenly Father to help us through any and all of life’s difficult situations.

Peace of SPIRIT is the only TRUE PEACE.

This knowledge is not an automatic “quick-fix-it-all-and-make-life-grand” piece of information but a reminder that the Lord is with me, He loves me and He wants to see me succeed.  And…that helps someone like me to cope.

Lately I have had the lines to the song “I Need Thee Every Hour” going through my head quite a bit.

I have come to realize that I can’t tackle the anxiety, stress, and my compulsive nature on my own…and never will if I continue to rely on my own strength.


I’m so grateful and amazed at the Lords strength I have felt.  He truly has lifted my burdens and made them light when I have called on Him to do so.  I just need to remember to ask.

I’m so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me.  He gave me a wonderful husband and has sent me four incredible spirits to love and bring up in His light. 

I’m so grateful for them.

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