June 30, 2011

Private Journal Entry - June 11, 2009

This "private journal entry" was originally written for my eyes only.  A way to express myself openly and truthfully without feeling judged.  The emotions are raw, the writing, blunt and unedited, the feelings are sometimes very hard to revisit (at least the negative ones), but so very very real.

It is now published as part of my mental health timeline.  To start from the beginning, visit: Through Hell and Back (more than once)-Timeline of Recovery and Discovery.  

June 11, 2009
I am beginning an anti-depressant tomorrow.  I am a little afraid.  I’m not keen on foreign objects being put into my body that may/may not cause side effects…serious or not.  I asked Rob for a blessing tonight and feel less nervous.  As long as I am in tune with the Lord I will know what to do. 

I want to be me again.  I want to be happy…truly happy again and banish these feelings of anger and annoyance towards everyone and everything. 

I love my husband and I love my boys and I want them to have the best of “me”.   

They deserve the best of “me”.   

Not this crazily uptight and angry lady that has been hanging around for the last two years.

Heavenly Father, please help me from this darkness/unhappiness.  I want to feel light again.   
I want to be free to love my family again.

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