June 30, 2011

Private Journal Entry - February 4, 2011

This "private journal entry" was originally written for my eyes only.  A way to express myself openly and truthfully without feeling judged.  The emotions are raw, the writing, blunt and unedited, the feelings are sometimes very hard to revisit (at least the negative ones), but so very very real.

It is now published as part of my mental health timeline.  To start from the beginning, visit: Through Hell and Back (more than once)-Timeline of Recovery and Discovery. 

February 4, 2011

I am seeing, and more importantly, feeling a lot of change in my relationship with Gabe.  Things are definitely getting better.  We are seeing more smiles out of him.  I’m glad.

The other night Gabe was very tired and was having a particularly hard time controlling his emotions.  He burst out in sobs over something of little consequence.  Instead of ignoring him, or getting upset with him, I simply asked him if he needed a hug.  He repeatedly replied “no” but came walking towards me anyway and finally threw himself into me as my arms came around him.

I quietly told him that I was sorry he was sad and that if there was anything I could do to help him feel better, to just let me know.

After a few minutes he returned to me and reminded me of my earlier words.  He then requested a longer back scratch at bedtime (one of our nightly "affection showing” things).

I was so proud of him for asking.  That’s a HUGE improvement for him.

As I was scratching his back we talked about him verbalizing his feelings and his need for affection.  I also told him that it was okay for him to just come up and hug me if he felt like it. 

It seemed like a new concept for him.  I hope he follows through with it.

I’m very pleased with the progress we have made in our relationship.  I hope and pray that it just keeps getting better.

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