Private Journal Entry - August 14, 2009

This "private journal entry" was originally written for my eyes only.  A way to express myself openly and truthfully without feeling judged.  The emotions are raw, the writing, blunt and unedited, the feelings are sometimes very hard to revisit (at least the negative ones), but so very very real.

It is now published as part of my mental health timeline.  To start from the beginning, visit: Through Hell and Back (more than once)-Timeline of Recovery and Discovery.  

August 14, 2009

Today I danced (I love to dance and hadn’t been able to for a long time); openly, freely, artistically. 

Enya’s “Caribbean blue” was the inspiration.  I was taken back in time to my junior year in high school (when I performed a solo to this song in my “modern dance” class).  I opened up and set myself free. 

It was invigorating!

If this child I carry is a girl (which it wasn’t), I want her to love to dance.  To be able to express herself through movement and the joy that comes from it.  Maybe by doing the same I can pass on this precious treasure to her in the womb (maybe next time).

I feel happy, hopeful. 

As though I may be climbing out of a deep, dark hole I have been buried in for so long.

This morning, I owe it to the dance.