The Fight for HOPE

The sunlight is creeping in.  Things are looking brighter.

No...not in a literal sense....it's dark at stinken' 4:30PM around here.  Man...is that ever "the walls are closing in on me, the sun is never going to shine again" crazy.  I don't like it....but despite it, I'm surviving.

At times I wish I was numb to the anxiety I've been feeling...like before (I messed with my medication), but it's good.  Okay...not good, but good for me to learn to cope with again.  It's not like it's something new.  I HAVE been dealing with it for a very long time.  I can handle it (or am trying to).  Even if handling it means stuffing my face with 2 small bowls of ice cream and hot fudge to calm me (like last night).  Not the most productive coping mechanism...I know, but it seemed to help at the time.  :)

I want to know when my life got so busy?  For the longest time I filled my days with almost nothing (other than an occasional blog post now and then) but now find myself in the thick of "out of control" and "running around the room"-ism.  My other blog, Testosterone Overload, has started consuming a great amount of my time (by the way, I have a giveaway going on right now...come take a look) and I find myself less and less able to sit and think "methodical" thoughts.

It's only when I am alone...and away from my computer (that's a biggie), that I find time to connect with God and with me....I mean the REAL me....who I am inside (not the sarcastic jokester on the surface).

I've had a few such experiences lately.

While on my way to the chiropractor (yes, I am FINALLY taking care of my 6 month old back injury), this week and last, I had the opportunity to refresh my soul with a bit of good music (you know how music gets to me).  During both instances, I took the time away, from the chaos that is my home, to really focus and listen to my newest music indulgence.

Remember me telling you about Hilary Weeks new cd, Every Step, that was coming out and how she hoped she would be able to sell enough copies in the first few days so she could top the Contemporary Christian Billboard Chart?  Well she did sell enough copies and she did make the charts...#6...so yeay for her!

Well, Hilary made stated that the reason she wanted to top the charts was so that her music would be able to get out to a wider audience.  She really feels like there are messages to share here.  That people can benefit from these inspired lyrics.  And...can I tell you...from my perspective she was absolutely right.  THE WORLD NEEDS TO HERE THIS.

And so I bought the cd, and that's the one I have been indulging in.

One song, in particular, has continued to jump out at me...reaching deep within my aching, depressed, anxious, stressed and worried soul.  It has awakened an allusive sense of HOPE that has been hiding somewhere in the recesses of my spirit for the last several months.

Isn't it ironic that I started this blog to offer others HOPE, feeling like I was "cured" of this terrible disease called depression, and yet, now I am found clinging to the same HOPE that I wanted so desperately to offer to others?  All in a few short months.  Crazy! 

It's humbling.  Very humbling.    

And so I wanted to share these HOPEful lyrics with you, in HOPEs that they might speak to you as well.

RIGHT HERE

by Hilary Weeks

(you can hear a snippit of it here or in Itunes)

I already know you're strong

You don't have to hide your tears

Even the bravest

Have moments of fear

I can see beyond today

And I believe, I believe in your tomorrow

When it seems your dreams have abandoned you

When doubt is pounding at your door

When the flood is rising

When the fire of HOPE has turned to ashes

When the road fades beneath your feet

I'll be there by your side

I'll be there for you

Always I'll be with you

Right here

Right here

As the cloud begin to part

When the blue is breaking through

When your dreams

Come looking for you

You won't have to call my name

'Cause I'll be here, I'll be standing here beside you.

When you see miracles surround you

When the grass is green on every side

When the sun is shining

When you are standing at the summit

When the sea parts to let you through

I'll be there by your side

I'll be there for you

Always I'll be with you

Right here

Right here

Such a beautiful song.  I've fallen in love with it.

It makes me think.  It gives me HOPE.  It strengthens my faith. 

As the song says, the clouds will part, the blue will break through and dreams will be realized again.  Miracles will happen, the sun will shine,  we will find ourselves on top again, the sea will part to let us through.  And He will be there...every step of the way. 

Difficult times, times of trial, times of heartbreak and despair...they are all temporary.  They WILL NOT LAST FOREVER.  The darkness will pass and the sun will shine again.  We just have to cling to that HOPE, that faith, and that trust in Him.

So, LET'S DO IT!  

If you are struggling...join with me.  Plant that little seed of HOPE right now...give it all you've got.  CLING to it...NOURISH it....FIGHT for it! DON'T give in to hopelessness.  DON'T let it pull you under.

God is with us...and He will use our darkest moments for our GREATEST good.

So let's have HOPE!

He's done it countless times before...and He will do it again. 

The album "Every Step" is available at Amazon.com in both CD or MP3 format.

P.S. I love to hear from you! Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com 
This post contain affiliates link but I was not asked to promote these product.  The opinions are all mine.  Just wanted you to know where you could pick them up if you want them too.

"Now is Not What Forever Will Be"

The days are getting better.  I have missed you, my friends.

The other day, I said to my husband, "It's so hard to believe that not that long ago I felt SO GOOD!"  And it's true.  It is hard to believe...and yet, I can remember what it was like.

I wish I had it in my power to magically recreate it.  I miss it.

In an attempt to "[Put] Him First" today, I read an article published in our church magazine The Ensign, entitled "You Matter to Him".  I was comforted and strengthened by these particular words,

"...Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be.  You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever.  We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him (see Hebrews 13:5).  Have hope and faith in that promise.  Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and deed.

Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourself the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul:  'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.' (1 Corinthians 2:9)"

And I believe those words.  I do.  Because I have experienced them for myself.

Depression, at least for me, is a very selfish thing.  I become all consumed with "me" and find it hard to look outside myself.  On a good day my feelings of well being extend as far as my husband and children and only on an extremely good day am I able to give "care", or even thought, to others outside my immediate circle.

And yet, the opposite is true.  When I force myself to look outside, to focus on others as Christ did (never giving a single thought for himself), the depression, anxiety, and misery I feel, seems to lift for a short time.

As a baptized member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I've covenanted (a two-way promise) with God, among other things, "to bear [other's] burdens, that they may be light;...[to be] willing to mourn with those that mourn...and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18: 8-9).  And I am never happier than when I am doing such.

We are taught "that when [we] are in the service of [our] fellow beings, [we] are only in the service of [our] God." (Mosiah 2:17). 

Not that long ago, I was ON FIRE with the desire to help others.  That's why I started this blog.  I felt compelled to share my experiences and trials, as a way to offer others HOPE through depression and to banish the stigma and embarrassment associated with mental illness.

I felt SO GOOD and I wanted share that with others.  I had such faith and HOPE in the future.  The more I shared...the happier I became, because I felt like I was doing exactly what the Lord wanted me to do.

And now it's gone.  Not that I don't love you all...and still care for you....I'm just fighting to get out of my own hole.  And it really stinks.

But...when I read these words today...."now is not what forever will be", I felt a shred of HOPE.  I will figure this out.  I will  thrive again.

Every day I will strive to HOLD ON....strive to BELIEVE IN HIM...strive to REMAIN FAITHFUL in keeping His commandments...and I will strive my darndest to GET OUT of myself and SERVE others.

And then I will have faith and wait.

Things will be GOOD again.

The Lord is not done with me.  He still has good for me to do.  My purpose in life is not lost.

I believe all things happen for a reason.

He will use this period of my life for His good.

And once I pass through this particular refiner's fire....I will be ON FIRE again.

You'll see.

In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, "I'll be back."   


P.S. I love to hear from you! Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com

Pep in Step

Feelin' a little pep in my step today. 

I hope it's not a fluke but a sign that things are finally leveling out.  (Oh why, oh why did I ever mess with a good thing?)

One can only HOPE.  

I'm ready to be on top again.

P.S. I love to hear from you!

Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com

Putting Him first...

Yesterday during my scripture reading (yes, while on my eliptical) I came across this scripture:

"Wherefore, do not spend money on that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy....come unto the Holy One of Isreal and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness."  (2 Nephi 9:51)

As I find myself completely overwhelmed with "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" and all that it entails (money or, more accurately, the lack of it, children, house work, "me" stuff, etc).  Is there even time to breath? 

I found these words quite beneficial and thought provoking.  I don't think it's a coincidence I ran into this scripture when I did.

I've lost track of my priorities. 

I often get so caught up in "this, that and the other" in order to remedy "this problem, that problem, and the other problem" that I forget to do those things that matter most.  These are standard "sunday school" answers people...you know, pray and study the scriptures. 

It's so vitally important to communicate with our Heavenly Father and get to know Him better by reading His word.  Why do I always forget this?  I don't know, really....I forgot.  :)


I find myself running around in circles all day, completely stressed out and feeling rather unaccomplished.  Ready to pull my hair out, because I feel so lost...without direction.  Sometimes I pause and try to remember a time when things were not so "difficult" (other than the time we had only one, even two, kids...he he).  What was I doing differently?

Oh....right.....putting God first....

It's funny how that works.  Really.  Because when I do it....everything else just seemed to fall into place.  Not without work, and not always as I expected it to,...but in place, nevertheless.  Worries seem to disappear because I am feeling closer to God and putting more faith in Him and his ability to direct my life.

Hmmmmmm.....

Guess I should really try that again.

Maybe I would find purpose again. 

Yeah...I think I just might just do that.


P.S. I love to hear from you!
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com