tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54392741672587818322024-03-13T20:21:33.678-07:00Methodical Musings of an Unbalanced WomanMelaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.comBlogger104125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-84673508304966111562018-11-25T17:52:00.000-08:002018-11-25T18:21:30.959-08:00"It is time"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWJ5eeQBMgPE8x6WxPURblThAPQBCmJUh3ccdFlvhPmaZ_cXNvPyQwlpeQy-bws6E4z99C4EX0MM85kXzdVvds4uO_I_K2Wkw44DVB2NauQXgHsVzwC0Fdtc3B1NgK4dlzSGaOdbHEZ-s/s1600/IMG_20181125_091320634_BURST000_COVER_TOP.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1045" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWJ5eeQBMgPE8x6WxPURblThAPQBCmJUh3ccdFlvhPmaZ_cXNvPyQwlpeQy-bws6E4z99C4EX0MM85kXzdVvds4uO_I_K2Wkw44DVB2NauQXgHsVzwC0Fdtc3B1NgK4dlzSGaOdbHEZ-s/s320/IMG_20181125_091320634_BURST000_COVER_TOP.jpg" width="209" /></a></div>
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<br />
It's been exactly 4 years and 360 days since I last wrote on this blog. So much has changed (what's the deal blogger?) and yet, so much is the same.<br />
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Changes? Too many to say, except that if I thought my life was out of control then, I now know I hadn't even reached the tip of the "crazy" iceberg. I now have 6 children and ALL that that entails (mostly laundry and breaking up fights). I still teach group fitness classes, but instead of teaching them for free, I have now taken on a whole entire small business, as the owner of a small 24hr gym and fitness studio. I LOVE IT but...phew...it can be an exhausting job (literally)! On top of this, and all the comings and going of 6 kids and their appointments and activities, I lovingly (and sometimes not so lovingly) support my husband as the full time breadwinner of our family, a seasonal football referee, and the 24/7 "on call" Bishop of our growing ward (aka congregation) of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, in our tiny corner of the world. Don't even get me started on what the cat requires of me 🐈...😂😂😂<br />
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So...why am I here, I keep asking myself? Why do I feel compelled to write? Where will I find the time or the brain power (or a quiet second, for that matter)? What do I have to say that hasn't been said before? The answer... I'm not exactly sure...YET...but I just know it's what I'm supposed to do. <br />
<br />
While in the shower this morning, I received a prompting, from my Heavenly Father, through His Holy Spirit. It was unmistakable. The message... "It is time."<br />
<br />
I'm relieved in a way. My head is so full of ideas, research and revelations. My poor hand starts to cramp up every time I lay my eyes on my journals and notebooks, long before I've even picked up the pen. I know my husband will be relieved. He was just commenting last night that, although he is interested in what I have to say (between you and me that's debatable 😉), he is a little weary from having his ear talked off, non-stop, for the last several weeks/months..."My attention span is only so long and I can only take in so much information at once, Dear," he says. (Wouldn't that be nice? It's a very good thing he doesn't live in my head...he would be begging the Lord for mercy by death just to make it quiet down for a few minutes).<br />
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So...while I'm not exactly sure where or how to start, I do know this...I feel the same way today as I did, all those years ago, when I penned this... <br />
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"God has blessed me with a sharp mind, a heart to love, a will to succeed, and a voice to be heard. My mind may not be the most brilliant, my heart may not be the purest, my will may not be the strongest, and my voice may not be the loudest. But when I feel compelled by Him to use these precious gifts for the good of others, I will listen and I will do what is asked of me."<br />
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I pray that whatever it is that the Lord wishes me to share, will flow from my thoughts to my fingers, as it once did. I pray that His spirit will be able to convey the messages shared to those that need to hear them most. I pray that hearts will be soft and ready to receive the messages meant for them.<br />
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I know that I am NOTHING without God, but with him, I am willing and able to play a small part in his righteous work and glory (to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man). <br />
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Here goes nothing.... <br />
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Love, <br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="https://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or<br />
e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="0" src="https://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" style="background-position: 0px 0px; display: none !important; opacity: 0 !important; visibility: hidden !important;" width="0" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-76354423681126102062014-11-30T22:17:00.001-08:002014-11-30T22:17:09.712-08:00He is the GiftAs life gets crazy and busy at this time of year may we remember the true reason for this wonderful season....<br />
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Merry CHRISTmas to you all!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" class="nnaenpoxrnxzyhdsikmu" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" height="59" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-47475780735735953342014-10-02T11:52:00.001-07:002014-10-02T11:52:43.190-07:00Full Heart, Healing Balm, Faith, and "Glorious"--HOPEful MusicMy heart and mind are equally full today and I needed some place to record my thoughts.<br />
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<br />
I came across this truly HOPEful and inspiring song yesterday and it speaks to me. It's message is one of HOPE, peace, love, purpose and direction and I love it already.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/GytW_rgr0RM?rel=0" width="640"></iframe>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Glorious"--David Archuleta</span></div>
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featured in <span style="color: #b45f06;">*"Meet the Mormons" (see below)</span></div>
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There are times when</div>
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you might feel aimless</div>
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and cant see the places</div>
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where you belong</div>
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But you will find that</div>
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there is a purpose</div>
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it's been there within you all along</div>
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and when you're near it</div>
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you can almost hear it</div>
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It's like a symphony</div>
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just keep listening</div>
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and pretty soon you'll start</div>
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to figure out your part</div>
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Everyone plays a piece</div>
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and there are melodies</div>
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in each one of us</div>
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oohhh...</div>
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It's glorious </div>
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And you will know how</div>
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to let it ring out</div>
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as you discover who you are</div>
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others around you </div>
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will start to wake up</div>
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to the sounds that are </div>
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in their hearts</div>
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it's so amazing</div>
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what we're all creating</div>
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Chorus: </div>
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And as you feel</div>
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the notes build, oh</div>
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you will see </div>
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Chorus:</div>
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I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Music has such an INCREDIBLE impact on our souls, for better (or worse), and this song makes mine SOAR!</div>
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We often lose our way and wander, wondering just where we are going, and how it is that we are going to find our way there. </div>
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That's how I've felt lately. Wandering, lost, running out of HOPE and losing faith. Feeling very weak in both body and spirit. I had forgotten my purpose here (and I testify that God DOES have a purpose for every single one of us who lives and has ever lived on this earth) and it had me feeling pretty low. </div>
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As I shared my feelings, with a wise woman (my super mama), she encouraged me to look back on those things that in the past have brought me true happiness, and that if I would concentrate on those things, I would be able to find my way again. </div>
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What else could I do? I was desperate. So I took her up on it.</div>
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Now, if you recall from the past, I've often combined both exercise and scripture study (see post <b><a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2011/10/spiritually-fedcalories-shed.html">"Spiritually fed, calories shed"</a></b>) with amazingly uplifting results and decided to give it another try. It has been wonderful. Not a cure-all but a humongous help. Something about the endorphins from the exercise combined with the lightening of heart and soul that accompanies indulgently <b>"<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/32.3?lang=eng#2">feasting upon God's word</a>" </b>has me feeling lighter than I have in MONTHS. Add in this new song and I feel bursting with light and HOPE.<br />
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I wanted to share some of the jewels I came across in the last few days. I chose to focus my study and my prayers, of direction, guidance and assurance, on a few topics: #1 FAITH and #2 PEACE. </div>
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If you are one of my "friends" on Facebook (personal account/not MMUW account), you may have already read this:</div>
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<br /></div>
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September 30, 2014 </div>
"There is so much contention and anger in the world and even among
those who claim to be followers of Christ. It makes me feel very
unsettled and uncertain of "things". <br />
Yesterday, as I was
studying in the Book of Mormon (Another Testament of Jesus Christ) about faith, I came across a few versus
in the first chapter of Alma that brought me particular comfort and
peace. <br />
<br />
'<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/1.24?lang=eng#23">Alma 1:24</a> For the hearts of may were hardened, and their
names were blotted out, that they were remembered no more among the
people of God. <span class="text_exposed_show"> And also many withdrew themselves from among them.<br />
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/1.25?lang=eng#24">Alma 1:25</a> Now this was a great trial to those that did stand fast in
the faith; nevertheless, they were steadfast and immovable in keeping
the commandments of God, and they bore with patience the persecution
which was heaped upon them.'<br /> And then in Bible, Romans 2:7 I read of
those who 'by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and
honour and immortality, eternal life'</span><br />
<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
It was the soothing balm I needed. There is a lot of questioning,
faltering, and spiritual unrest going on all around us. It's hard to
take it all in sometimes. However, there is HOPE in these words of
encouragement.<br />
<br />
We must be steadfast and immovable in keeping the
commandments of God and continue to do good. We must hold tight to the
truth and patiently endure and we will have that glory, honour,
immortality and eternal life--with our Father in Heaven---that we so
desire.<br />
<br />
Thank you Mom for reminding me of the importance of studying the scriptures daily. (Hold to the rod, the iron rod.....)"<br />
<br />
and<br />
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October 1, 2014 <br />
"More fantastic reads from today's scripture study on faith and peace:<br />
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<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/22.31-32?lang=eng#30">St Luke 22:31-32</a>: 'And the Lord said...behold, Satan hath desired you, that he may sift
the children of the kingdom as wheat. But I have prayed for thee, that
thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy
brethren.'<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.11-15?lang=eng#10">Mosiah 4:11-15</a>: 'Humble yourselves, even in the depths of humility,
calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the
faith...if you do this ye shall always rejoice and be filled with the l<span class="text_exposed_show">ove
of God and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in
the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge
of that which is just and true.</span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
And ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live
peaceably and to render to every man according to that which is his due.
And ye will not suffer your children that they...transgress the laws
of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who
is the master of sin...but ye will teach them to walk in the ways of
truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to
serve one another.'"<br />
<br />
If you are feeling lost, HOPEless, contentious, angry, unsettled or struggling with your faith, I challenge you to jump into the scriptures, along with me. Pray for purpose. Pray for strength. Pray for HOPE and I PROMISE YOU, the Lord will help you find it in his holy word and/or speak to you through the quiet whisperings of the Holy Ghost. <br />
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So, GET ON IT....and we can enjoy our "symphonies" together.<br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
P.S. Don't forget to go see the movie "Meet the Mormons". <span style="font-size: small;"><b><u>If you are not of our faith, this movie is meant especially for you.</u></b> If you've even been curious about "us" check it out. </span>It's supposed to be EXCELLENT!<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">*"Meet The Mormons" is a feature-length documentary that tells the stories
of six members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) from
around the world. The film will appear in theaters across the United
States beginning on October 10th, 2014 (see <b><a href="http://meetthemormons.com/locations">here</a></b> for locations/times near you). Our goal with this production is
to help people understand our faith in a more complete way and to see
how the gospel of Jesus Christ leads Church members in their lives. All
net proceeds from the film will go to charity (The American Red Cross).</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-49815698003170938452014-01-06T21:20:00.001-08:002014-01-06T21:21:15.271-08:00On Identity<br />
<object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,47,0" height="270" id="flashObj" style="clear: right; float: right;" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="flashVars" value="videoId=2260790669001&linkBaseURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lds.org%2Fmedia-library%2Fvideo%2F2010-04-20-our-true-identity%3Flang%3Deng&playerID=710849472001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAAApYNoccE~,xDmRWfqDlPhbhwoOkZ1F_TSoe20nAtRQ&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" /><param name="base" value="http://admin.brightcove.com" /><param name="seamlesstabbing" value="false" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="swLiveConnect" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" flashVars="videoId=2260790669001&linkBaseURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lds.org%2Fmedia-library%2Fvideo%2F2010-04-20-our-true-identity%3Flang%3Deng&playerID=710849472001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAAApYNoccE~,xDmRWfqDlPhbhwoOkZ1F_TSoe20nAtRQ&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" base="http://admin.brightcove.com" name="flashObj" width="480" height="270" seamlesstabbing="false" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" swLiveConnect="true" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash"></embed></object>Life is just really busy right now and I find myself at a loss for words.
But...just because I can't come up with my own doesn't mean I can't share anothers.
This message is full of beautiful words. Truthful words. HOPEful and inspiring words.<br />
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Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-5469965788373417732013-11-20T17:01:00.002-08:002013-11-20T17:01:28.316-08:00"Like a Broken Vessel"I haven't been writing much lately for a number of reasons. One major reason....a new baby. Yep. Our very first baby girl (after four boys) FINALLY joined our family November 3, 2013. She is a beautiful, sweet, red-headed (like her mama) little lady and we all LOVE her immensely.<br />
<br />
Lately, while corresponding with others, I have found myself often referring to this video. It's so relevant to me and you, my readers, and I highly recommend watching it. <br />
<br />
It's a<a href="http://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2013-10-2070-elder-jeffrey-r-holland?category=general-conference/2013-october"></a> "talk" (aka speech, address) given at the <a href="http://www.lds.org/media-library/video/general-conference/2013-october?lang=eng">October 2013</a> General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It is SPECTACULAR and particularly addressed to those of us with mental/emotional struggles. Please watch it, no matter what faith you are. You will feel God's love and a measure of HOPE. I promise.<br />
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P.S. I love to hear from you! Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com iMelaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-25767720631409575572013-08-01T13:02:00.003-07:002013-08-01T13:02:31.328-07:00Reasons....I have missed you, my MMUW friends. I have missed our interactions. I miss the time in my life when writing this blog and connecting with you dear people was my #1 priority (after my family, of course....most of the time).<br />
<br />
Besides just dealing with the every day life of a mother of 4 (BOYS, to add more emphasis), I have been busy plugging away at a new church calling (position) with the female youth (ages 12-18) of our ward (congregation). I have weekly activities to plan/attend, weekly lessons to plan/attend, meetings with the girls who are in leadership positions, meeting with my fellow leaders, and a constant prayer and vigil for each girls life and well being. It's a lot of hard work.....whew.....but I LOVE IT!<br />
<br />
On top of all that, there is THIS:<br />
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P.S. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJRv2vDqY6iStbkk1TAc2BhSC5zfdbOfJGnq3SwOzibhZt2SlQc4QEVAsznDoVROjQTOQxiGmK8xviVSG2SNmQn9tqexSkaEKVFe2iwe0sD1P-t3ZmzEzSFzTXn8av2R2MmenKObQD_tg/s1600/Baby+5-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJRv2vDqY6iStbkk1TAc2BhSC5zfdbOfJGnq3SwOzibhZt2SlQc4QEVAsznDoVROjQTOQxiGmK8xviVSG2SNmQn9tqexSkaEKVFe2iwe0sD1P-t3ZmzEzSFzTXn8av2R2MmenKObQD_tg/s640/Baby+5-001.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
and while I am so SO very happy and excited and giddy with the idea of PINK, I AM EXHAUSTED, and SORE, and BREATHLESS and CROSS (aka yelling) with my kids a LOT more than I would like to be. They are just so darn obnoxious and messy lately. I'm definitely ready for summer to be over!!!! <br />
<br />
Enough about me. How are YOU? What have YOU been up to this last.....forever?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" class="kwbrbxznjqincttpgcja" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-74157889899529937332013-06-03T09:38:00.003-07:002013-06-03T09:38:39.130-07:00Lifting BurdensWe can have peace. We can have HOPE. Our burdens can be lifted and carried for us. I testify these words are true.<br />
<br />
Have FAITH and BELIEVE.<br />
<br />
<br />
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P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-67605536511291934202013-05-12T17:23:00.004-07:002013-05-12T17:23:46.092-07:00On this day of celebration....Feeling very contemplative this Mother's Day. <br /><br />My day has truly been a blessed reflection of my most important eternal responsibilities. My husband and kids have made it truly enjoyable. <br /><br />I still can't help thinking about years past. Like the year that I was so deep in depression that the last thing I wanted to be was a mother. I was doing a terrible job of it at the time, and I knew it. Or perhaps last year, waking up to cramping and bleeding, knowing that I was losing, yet, ANOTHER pregnancy.<br /><br />My heart is heavy for all the babies I have never held. It hurts for all my friends and family who have lost dear children, in whatever walk of pregnancy or life it may have been. And it especially hurts for those of you, my dear friend and family, who have never had the opportunity to become a mother. I know this day is not the most joyful for you.<br /><br />I am so grateful for my testimony in the <a href="http://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/36950_eng.pdf?lang=eng">Plan of Salvation</a> and for the <a href="http://mormon.org/faq/atonement-of-christ">Atonement </a>of my Savior, Jesus Christ. <br />
<br />
How blessed I feel to KNOW that my babies are not far away and that I will have the opportunity to raise them one day (perhaps 5 girls) and that the pain of these losses can and <b>are</b> swallowed up by the Atonement. I have felt it's healing balm time and time again. <br />
<br />
How grateful I am to have a knowledge that such wonderful women (and men) in my life will be given EVERY OPPORTUNITY to experience "family" and motherhood in the next life if they have not had the opportunity to do so here on earth. <br />
<br />
I'm so grateful I am to be a member of Christ's church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) and to have been raised with this sure knowledge, that ALL things will be made right in the end. <br />
<br />
Truly Blessed! <br />
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P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-53220587983037573702013-02-08T16:18:00.000-08:002013-02-08T16:18:28.830-08:00Importance of Scripture StudyI saw this on Facebook today and couldn't help sharing.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV5zm4jTHVWsICoRM8cua8T7BC5Dl6Gp_MYBUSCkbK8grFoj_KPXDzZK-VKqOtRXQQZJ1cUWd4KKj0e_9wBtWEXFOhibEcP2-PGQtQJYYaYo054hHKgcND6zs2uHLYauDVq5aOdv08g4Y/s1600/reading+scriptures.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV5zm4jTHVWsICoRM8cua8T7BC5Dl6Gp_MYBUSCkbK8grFoj_KPXDzZK-VKqOtRXQQZJ1cUWd4KKj0e_9wBtWEXFOhibEcP2-PGQtQJYYaYo054hHKgcND6zs2uHLYauDVq5aOdv08g4Y/s640/reading+scriptures.jpg" width="640" /></a>"As I think about your schedules and the pressures you face...in your lives, I can understand why scripture study can so easily be
neglected. You ha<span class="text_exposed_show">ve many demands pulling
at you....But I plead with you to make time for immersing yourselves
in the scriptures. Couple scripture study with your prayers...Privately studying, pondering, and communicating with
your Heavenly Father can make an amazing difference in your lives. It
will give increased success in your daily activities. It will bring
increased alertness to your minds. It will give you comfort and
rock-steady assurance when the storms of life descend upon you."<br /> -Elder M. Russel Ballard</span></blockquote>
<br />
I know that prayer and scripture study alone can do nothing to change
the fact that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes me to be depressed and highly anxious sometimes. But, as I have
found time and time again, doing these things on a regular basis can HELP make things just a bit more
bearable when I am "off kilter". I need all the help I can get (love this picture of the protective angels).<br />
<br />
So why do I find it so unbearable to do sometimes? It's not because I don't want to be in communication with my Heavenly Father and not because I don't want to be uplifted by immersing myself in His word, but just because I don't want to do <u>anything</u> that takes effort (including bathing and brushing my teeth....my poor husband). <br />
<br />
But it's not just that. It's also that I can't FEEL anything in those times (at least nothing but anger) and because I can't FEEL the spirit, or FEEL the Lords love for me, or FEEL the difference it is making in my life, then why make the effort, right? <br />
<br />
Wrong.<br />
<br />
I go through this EVERY TIME I hit a low spot. EVERY TIME. You'd think I'd have learned by now. Silly me. <br />
<br />
The truth is that, no matter what we are/are not feeling, the spirit is ALWAYS there when we are making the effort to communicate with the Lord and get to know Him better (through his word). The Lord loves us more than we can even fathom, even if we can't FEEL it on a constant basis (ask Him to confirm it for you...He undoubtedly will). And, doing these things DOES make a difference. It really DOES! <br />
<br />
So don't loose HOPE. <br />
<br />
Make an effort to try to follow Elder Ballard's wise counsel (I'm working on it too). Don't give up. Have faith that even though you may not be "feelin' it", that it IS, indeed, helping. And just keep at it. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-83677658642233139832013-01-15T22:09:00.001-08:002013-01-15T22:09:21.301-08:00The Unraveled MomIf you hadn't noticed already, I've been on a sort of part time hiatus lately. Well, for about a year really.<br />
<br />
Not that I've been counting. <br />
<br />
I actually had some really deep thoughts today....about a box....no kidding...but before I could really work through it in my head and get it down on virtual paper, I was interrupted by....life and haven't had time to think on it since. Perhaps later. <br />
<br />
But in the meantime I did do something pretty worthwhile today (besides spending hours on FB and Pinterest). <br />
<br />
I spent some time browsing a new blog I discovered. It's called "<a href="http://theunraveledmom.wordpress.com/">The Unraveled Mom</a>". <br />
<br />
<i>Now why in the world would I be interested in a blog with a name like THAT?</i> (dripping with sarcasm)<br />
<br />
Could it be because THAT COULD BE THE TITLE OF MY VERY EXISTENCE?!? (note, no sarcasm here).<br />
<br />
The writer, The Unraveled Mom herself, is a mama of 4 (who does that sound like? hello...ME), who wades (sometimes deeply) through the ups and downs of parenting (ME!), deals with heavy doses of anxiety sometimes (Um....ME!), and tries to make sense of it all, in and through God (yep, my hand is raised...ME! ME! ME!). <br />
<br />
So yeah....I was very interested and found some amazingly inspirational stuff on over<a href="http://theunraveledmom.wordpress.com/"> there</a>. <br />
<br />
I highly recommend <a href="http://theunraveledmom.wordpress.com/">taking a look</a>. <br />
<br />
One of my favorites was a post written just a few days ago entitled <a href="http://theunraveledmom.wordpress.com/2013/01/11/the-ghost-with-no-arms/">The Ghost With No Arms</a>. A true life tale of nightmares, anxiety, and a truly faithful God. Seriously, you should read it. It was very good. <br />
<br />
While you are there, check out her book series called <i><a href="http://theunraveledmom.wordpress.com/my-books/">The Truth of Motherhood</a></i>. This series focuses on some of the frustrating moments as a mother, of a<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Truths-about-Your-Motherhood-ebook/dp/B009QTWOZU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1357269032&sr=1-1&keywords=199+Truths+of+Motherhood"> baby </a>or <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Truths-about-Preschooler-Motherhood-ebook/dp/B00AY73FL0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1357792182&sr=1-1&keywords=199+truths">toddler</a>, that make you want to laugh and/or cry, or maybe even scream and pull your hair out (my words, not hers) and yet feel so thoroughly blessed by God to have these little bundles of joy all at the same time.<br />
<br />
Nope...it's not just you. It happens to all of us.<br />
<br />
I think these books would make great gifts for anyone who is overwhelmed by their roles as a mother and feeling alone in it, or a good "head up" gift for those who have yet to experience the "joys" of motherhood---think baby shower (wink). Or even us experienced joe schmoes who just need a light hearted laugh and to feel a bit of camaraderie with our fellow (wo)man. <br />
<br />
Anyhow...just thought I'd share. I HOPE you enjoy it as much as I did.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-78669989850107579612012-12-04T09:34:00.000-08:002012-12-04T09:34:34.489-08:00Beautiful..... Speechless....This BEAUTIFUL piece embodies ALL that this season, in truth, our very existence, is all about.<br />
<br />
I'm so SO touched this morning. My heart is full.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/ugV6QGcafEE?rel=0" width="640"></iframe>
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P.S. I love to hear from you! Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-31501403833196690062012-11-21T11:49:00.001-08:002012-11-21T11:49:41.130-08:00Week of Thanks 2012, Day ThreeWe gather tomorrow as friends, family, and loved ones to share in a celebration of all we have been given. So what happens Friday (other than Black Friday chaos)? Saturday? How about every day thereafter? Year after year after year?<br />
<br />
May we all remember to give thanks to our Lord, and to those around us, daily. My we cultivate an "attitude of gratitude" all year long.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/wi0tqhedHIU?rel=0" width="560"></iframe>
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P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-18749448802116303942012-11-20T08:42:00.002-08:002012-11-20T11:28:13.424-08:00Week of Thanks 2012, Day TwoToday's words of wisdom, on gratitude and thanksgiving are brought to you by another man whom I deeply admire. He is a whom I love. A man who has devoted his entire life to selfless service and the compassionate care of others. Another Man of God. Another man who "knows".<br />
<br />
His comforting words resonate deeply within my soul and fill me with peace. I HOPE they do the same for you.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/W2f1kRWR6RM?rel=0" width="560"></iframe>
Secondly....another quote for the day. Such simplicity....such truth. Follows my motto. Think....Learn....<b>DO</b>!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRZmyqt6aIfb5mt1Sa9Jm7GYT33wEI9UUsfWbp8ZOm8jnEcts3Et7Wzh6y0ZsPXhfmDjGAj4wCLE8CyaYXKGg7pK57HIAzAaq7drv986aJYr1P_YUhWpkx9THbyRMDwzFCcWRm10iwKNI/s1600/do+with+blessings+is+true+measure.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRZmyqt6aIfb5mt1Sa9Jm7GYT33wEI9UUsfWbp8ZOm8jnEcts3Et7Wzh6y0ZsPXhfmDjGAj4wCLE8CyaYXKGg7pK57HIAzAaq7drv986aJYr1P_YUhWpkx9THbyRMDwzFCcWRm10iwKNI/s640/do+with+blessings+is+true+measure.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
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P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-47056719106787636082012-11-19T11:36:00.003-08:002012-11-19T11:41:18.714-08:00Week of Thanks 2012, Day OneI've been thinking a lot recently about gratitude and thanksgiving.<br />
<br />
I know you are thinking, "Imagine that. At this time of year? No...you don't say."<br />
<br />
Yep...seriously. True story. :)<br />
<br />
Facebook and other social media sites have been jammed full with friends and family counting down to Thanksgiving by posting each day about the things they are thankful for.<br />
<br />
I've watched closely and found myself "ditto-ing" many a sentiment. Some a bit on the shallow (although still valid) side and others very deep and meaningful.<br />
<br />
As I get older and am exposed to more of the world and the people in it, I am in awe of all the opportunities and blessing the Lord has given me. And yet, I find myself nearly unable to express my gratitude, even to Him. It's not that I'm not grateful, it's just that I don't FEEL I am as grateful as I think I ought to be.<br />
<br />
That's why I've been searching, pondering, and praying (SPP) about these particular topics.<br />
<br />
I wish I had my own words of wisdom for you on my findings. It's just not so.<br />
<br />
Frankly I think I'm out of words of wisdom. I've been wondering if the mission I had, in starting this blog, has been fulfilled and so the gift of wisdom and openness has left me.<br />
<br />
I haven't figured that out yet. Something else I'm SPP-ing right now.<br />
<br />
No worries, however. Until I figure out what is going on, or until I get my groove back, I thought I might share with you a few words from those who are far wiser than I, on the ever allusive topic of happiness, thanksgiving, gratitude, life, etc.<br />
<br />
I kinda jumped the gun with this one the other day:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimrz0audwkOjiYHzAuyTwcTRryOOyan_U2MH2kGZ3tYC7hf___S5j9DbV3M7WuDWHsC1rIidcbe2CYMyM1hOmoUxuKTIbawMAs8D0ySNz20wjr0Ol-kT7bHsJSt2yVo0TtOPzvT1fKu8Q/s1600/thankfulequalshappy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimrz0audwkOjiYHzAuyTwcTRryOOyan_U2MH2kGZ3tYC7hf___S5j9DbV3M7WuDWHsC1rIidcbe2CYMyM1hOmoUxuKTIbawMAs8D0ySNz20wjr0Ol-kT7bHsJSt2yVo0TtOPzvT1fKu8Q/s640/thankfulequalshappy.jpg" width="425" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo from <a href="http://www.yourhomebasedmom.com/thanksgiving-decor-giveaways-and-a-little-housekeeping/">Your Homebased Mom</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I don't know who said it....but I love it. It's my motto. What I desire. Who I want to be.<br />
<br />
This next one was quoted by someone I love and admire more than words can express. A man of God. A man who "knows": <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">"Anyone
who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time
running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most
putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be
people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual
toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like
an old time rail journey: delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and
jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling
burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the
ride." --<a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/1997/03/a-conversation-with-single-adults?lang=eng&query=%28bliss+normal+robbed%29">Gordon B. Hinckley</a> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: x-small;">(originally said by Jenkins Lloyd Jones </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: x-small;">“Big Rock Candy Mountains,” <span class="emphasis">Deseret News,</span> 12 June 1973, A4)</span></h5>
</blockquote>
What more can be said. "The trick", the key, the path to life and happiness is Gratitude. Expressing our sincere thanks to our Heavenly Father for his goodness and mercy.<br />
<br />
I don't know how many times I have said, or thought, to my children, "A little thanks would go a long way." "Now what do you say (when I have done something for them)?" or "How hard is it to say 'Thank you'?"<br />
<br />
And the Lord desires no less from us. It's so easy. And when we do it, our hearts become full and free.<br />
<br />
Wow.<br />
<br />
Love it!<br />
<br />
Now I must Think....Learn.....Do.<br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-21703288013359394672012-11-17T15:55:00.000-08:002012-11-17T15:57:01.449-08:00Life lessons from a donkey....I found this story on Facebook the other day and felt so touched by it's profound and encouraging message. I shared it on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Methodical-Musings-of-an-Unbalanced-Woman/227335043963623">MMUB's FB page</a>, so some of you may have already seen it, but decided to post it here to be a constant reminder of the blessings of peace and perseverance, HOPE and happiness. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZdoaK7SVScl8TXnAod_5gLktKju4H0HK2L-UK4Pxm10WHMEJnzpJ6Q_R6kdiNLe-STrk8AeYuvcbHRBFuwCppGP3p1kH2rRi0UKnjFVbP5HDBDV7Z8kFqGwdlRnf6A3x7GiwZ6693bN0/s1600/donkey.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="448" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZdoaK7SVScl8TXnAod_5gLktKju4H0HK2L-UK4Pxm10WHMEJnzpJ6Q_R6kdiNLe-STrk8AeYuvcbHRBFuwCppGP3p1kH2rRi0UKnjFVbP5HDBDV7Z8kFqGwdlRnf6A3x7GiwZ6693bN0/s640/donkey.jpg" width="640" /></a><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure
out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well
needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<br />
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all
grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to
everyone's amazement he quieted down.<br />
<br />
A few shovel loads later,
the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he
saw. </div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
</blockquote>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<blockquote>
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing
something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.<br />
<br />
As
the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, to everyone's amazement, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily
trotted off!"</blockquote>
<br />
Applicability?</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Life is going to shovel dirt on you,
all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it
off and take a step up. Each of our troubles [trails] is a steppingstone. We can
get out of the deepest wells just by...[shaking] it off and [taking] a step up."</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
(and I'd like to add....)<br />
<br />
Never Give Up! Never give up on <i>yourself</i> and never give up on <i>anyone else</i>. Just keep trying. One step (or shovel full of dirt) at a time. <b>Find</b> <i>joy</i>, <b>find</b> <i>happiness</i>, and <b>find</b> <i>peace</i> in and through our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, no matter what situation you find yourself in. <b><u>Give thanks</u></b> for your afflictions and take advantage of them...learn from them.<br />
<br />
Awesome!<br />
<br />
One more thing..... <br />
<br />
As a lifelong depressive, I find myself searching all over the place for things that will make me happy. It hardly ever works. :) So when I saw this quote several weeks ago it quickly became one of my favorites of all time. These words, I find, are so hard to follow sometimes. Especially when I'm feeling low. Yet, they are so important...so pure...so full of truth. I need a constant reminder. I'm working on getting them put up in my house where I will be able to see them. Daily. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1ZRDcz-YsoOaB4GJTIvuR7bx-BAB2VvEwZ4TItqeLoXgwkHFqmLh3pLa7p-cE2XMREVpRvwA0fuDhr23hT5_OepYvAj7Mw1yvlJZ-W_rBCcGDW2Xt7VqRO7QuCErXR5YwCHF0VP91jNs/s1600/thankfulequalshappy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1ZRDcz-YsoOaB4GJTIvuR7bx-BAB2VvEwZ4TItqeLoXgwkHFqmLh3pLa7p-cE2XMREVpRvwA0fuDhr23hT5_OepYvAj7Mw1yvlJZ-W_rBCcGDW2Xt7VqRO7QuCErXR5YwCHF0VP91jNs/s640/thankfulequalshappy.jpg" width="424" /> </a></td><td style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo from <a href="http://www.yourhomebasedmom.com/thanksgiving-decor-giveaways-and-a-little-housekeeping/">Your Homebased Mom</a></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">
I love it!</span><br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a></div>
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-17209527572428769662012-10-14T21:12:00.000-07:002012-10-17T14:29:07.243-07:00We are STRONG!Today my family and I drove to a meeting house 2 hours away for what is known, in the Mormon world, as "stake conference" (a 2 hour long church meeting in which all the congregations in a particular region get together to hear our regional church leaders speak on various topics). Because I would be spending 4 hours in the car I took along a new book, a gift from a good friend (you know who you are), entitled "<a href="http://deseretbook.com/Reaching-Hope-LDS-Perspective-Recovering-Depression-Meghan-Decker/i/4028488">Reaching for Hope: An LDS Perspective on Recovering from Depression</a>". What better way to use this time, right?<br />
<br />
In theory, yes.<br />
<br />
I didn't even crack it open. :)<br />
<br />
Instead I spent the time in the car dozing, handing out food, switching out "Sunday approved" movies on the portable dvd player, barking at the kids to stop fighting, threatening recourse if their seatbelts didn't get buckled back up properly ASAP, ordering the 2 year old to stop crying when I refused to share my pillow with him (gasp), dozing some more, stewing over an argument with Roberto, oh....and did I mention dozing? I did sneak in a few (semi) peaceful moments to read my scriptures. <br />
<br />
We reached home, bellies full, after packing a lunch and eating in the car, just in time for my favorite part of Sunday afternoon. Family nap time. Yipee! Everyone was sent to their separate corners of the house to "rest" but for <i>some reason</i> I couldn't sleep. (imagine that!) <br />
<br />
I stewed, for a few minutes, over the fact that I would miss out on the peaceful rest of the afternoon (instead of a jostling snooze in the car with kids yelling and demanded my attention every 4.35 seconds).<br />
<br />
Then, I remembered <a href="http://deseretbook.com/Reaching-Hope-LDS-Perspective-Recovering-Depression-Meghan-Decker/i/4028488">the book</a>. "I guess now is as good a time as ever," I told myself.<br />
<br />
Admittedly, I have issues with self-help and/or inspirational books. I've thought <i><b>a lot</b></i> about "why", and have come up with a few ideas:<br />
<br />
First, when I do have the opportunity to read, I prefer to use that time to leave this world behind and pretend I am in another. I love fiction. Novels. But not just any novels. Boring, cheesy and yes, ever predictable, christian romance novels. Go ahead...laugh. Rob makes fun of me, too. But I don't care. I like 'em. Especially the ones set back in the 1800's. It's a world where I can indulge in my romantic fantasies and not feel bad about it and <b><i>I love to escape </i></b>to it. (okay...you can stop laughing now)<br />
<br />
Second, self-help suggests just that, helping yourself. As in, action. As in, once you read it you are "expected" (self perceived) to absorb the information and apply it. This drudges up all sorts of anxieties for me.<br />
<br />
What if it's too hard? What if I can't do it? What if I fail? What if I succeed? Will it actually work? Will it actually make me feel better? Will it make my life better? Will I have wasted my precious "me" time? and most importantly......<b>Will the guy get the girl (or vise versa) and will they smooch in the end?!?!? </b><br />
<br />
The truth is, I don't have much experience with the actual finishing part. I have several....SEVERAL sitting on a shelf next to my bed. Some I have even started but have only EVER completed <a href="http://deseretbook.com/Peacegiver-How-Christ-Offers-Heal-Our-Hearts-Homes-James-L-Ferrell/i/4644455"><b>ONE</b></a>. <b>ONE! </b>(and for the record, there was a bit of "kiss and make up" at the end...he he he)!!! Not a very good track record.<br />
<br />
But, speaking of the one, the experience was <b>exceptional</b><i>. <b>L</b></i><i><b>ife changing</b>. </i>I'd even call it<i> <b>miraculous</b>.</i> It changed my mind and heart <b>forever</b>. (I'd recommend<b> <a href="http://deseretbook.com/Peacegiver-How-Christ-Offers-Heal-Our-Hearts-Homes-James-L-Ferrell/i/4644455">it</a> </b>to anyone)<br />
<br />
But what are the odds it will happen again?<br />
<br />
It's for this same reason I don't set goals. What if I can't meet
them? What if I fail? But that is a thought for another day..... <br />
<br />
My mom always reminds me of how good I am at identifying my problems and going after them in an effort to improve. This may have been true in the past. For instance, as an 11 year old anxiety ridden elementary school student, I identified the need to find a coping mechanism to work through embarrassing panic attacks that were becoming increasingly frequent at school. And I did. It worked. Success. Pat on the back. <i>Yipee for me!</i><br />
<br />
But I'm not that confident anymore.<br />
<br />
Life is just FAR MORE complex now. Man, if only panic attacks were all I had to worry about these days. :) But sadly, they're not and it's not just my life at stake anymore. I have, at least, <b>FIVE </b>other people <i>closely dependent</i> on my success in life, right?<br />
<br />
Anyway, back to today.<br />
<br />
Despite my misgivings, I picked up the book and began reading.<br />
<br />
I only made it 71 pages, so far, but I definitely found what I was looking for, and what I so desperately needed.<br />
<br />
Camaraderie. Understanding. Reassurance.<br />
<br />
And my ever particular favorite.....<b>HOPE</b>!<br />
<br />
I <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/p/why-did-i-start-this-blog_17.html">started this blog</a> in order to offer HOPE of recovery to others. Little did I know that I was not out of the woods myself. I've had a lot of ups and downs in the 18 months since I <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2011/05/here-goes-nothing.html">started</a> writing here. I prefer to write about the ups...and not the downs....that's why the post have dwindled. But....I'm not ready to give up. I'm just having a bit of writers block.<br />
<br />
I leave you today with a quote in the book offered by Dr. Philip Gold, a neurologist at the National Institute for Mental Health, speaking of depression, or as he likes to call it "hypothalamo-pituitary-adrenal axis dysfunction" (I like it!),<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"It takes an <b>incredibly strong person</b> to bear the burden of [this] disease." </blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Can I hear an <span style="font-size: large;">"AMEN, BROTHER!"?</span></span><br />
<br />
Those of you who have never been there, I pray desperately that you never will know the devistating pain, both physical and psychological, associated with depression.<br />
<br />
For those of you who are sufferers...<b>Don't ever give up.</b><br />
<br />
We must <b>FIGHT</b>! We must <b>NEVER GIVE UP</b>! We must <b>HOLD ON TO HOPE</b>!<br />
<br />
<br />
OUR STRENGTH <b>FAR EXCEEDS</b><i><b> </b></i>OUR EARTHLY UNDERSTANDING!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">WE ARE STRONG! </span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a> Check out this quote. It's powerful.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm9_soAK0CGW7bjrBhPg0502QzgNSPy9dsNKxJaIMDtloYWpIQbjHBajfSZEhGrw0wbecgTbxEHbuyAoYSiMOZM1a4QSrWRgmO7WYFE2-pmeJ1jqiyxZsy_cJ17vpV2MPH1zWWSkohZ_o/s1600/DON'T+GIVE+UP.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm9_soAK0CGW7bjrBhPg0502QzgNSPy9dsNKxJaIMDtloYWpIQbjHBajfSZEhGrw0wbecgTbxEHbuyAoYSiMOZM1a4QSrWRgmO7WYFE2-pmeJ1jqiyxZsy_cJ17vpV2MPH1zWWSkohZ_o/s640/DON'T+GIVE+UP.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
P.S. I love to hear from you! Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-14995643068906229562012-10-04T11:14:00.000-07:002012-10-04T11:15:36.281-07:00Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/kuzma/kuzma1003/kuzma100300011/6560344-in-god-we-trust.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/kuzma/kuzma1003/kuzma100300011/6560344-in-god-we-trust.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'm taking a huge risk today and posting something a little controversial. In the form of politics. GASP! I usually steer clear of those kinds of things. I, for one, detest politics. But I felt the need to share, regardless.</span></span><br />
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">It's just my opinion. MY opinion. It doesn't have to be yours. We can even still be friends (he he he). If yours does differ, feel free to share. I won't take offense. PROMISE!</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">While contemplating which presidential candidate to vote for, I had a
lot of things to consider. Honestly, there are fantastic PROPOSALS on
both sides. Whether or not those proposed claims/reforms would A.
actually come to fruition or B. even work as intended, is really a gamble.
No one really knows.<br /> <br />It's a well known fact that Gov. Romney is a Mormon (LDS) and it's a well know fact that I, too, am a Mormon (LDS). <br /><div class="text_exposed_show">
<br />
Put that thought aside. Forget it. I would never vote for him just because we happen to attend the same church/organization. </div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
My vote, in fact, comes down to something far more simple. God.</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<br />
When has our land and even the Holy Land been most prosperous? What times have know greatest peace and joy? </div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
Look to the scriptures. Bible and/or Book of Mormon. The answer is
clear. <br />
<br />
In ancient times, as well as times more recent, the
world has known it's greatest prosperity when it has been ruled/governed
by righteous men who are seeking to follow God's commandments. <br />
<br />
Do I believe that all of Gov. Romney's ideas are directly "from God".
No. Do I believe that
everything Gov. Romney says will "come to pass". No.</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<br />
BUT....I DO BELIEVE, WHOLEHEARTEDLY, THAT MITT ROMNEY IS <b>A GOD FARING MAN</b>. DID I SAY PERFECT? NO. A BIT ARROGANT? SOMETIMES. BUT <b>GOD FARING<u> </u></b>ALL THE SAME. I BELIEVE HE IS <b>A MAN WHO WILL SEEK GOD DIRECTION/GUIDANCE</b> IN GOVERNING THIS COUNTRY AND IT'S PEOPLE. <br />
<br />
What matters to me is that, I BELIEVE, ROMNEY WILL SEEK TO <b>PUT GOD BACK INTO THIS COUNTRY</b>, on whom it was founded (In God We Trust), instead of <u><i>purposely </i>trying to <i>shut him out</i></u>.</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
Any man, be he Catholic, Jew, Mormon, WHATEVER, whom I believed would do the same would secure my vote. </div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
President Obama is <b>NOT</b> that kind of man. </div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<b>So Mitt Romney is where my vote lies.</b> <br />
<br />
Please be prayerful about your vote. Whatever answer you come up with,
the one that finds you with <b><i>peace</i> in your heart</b>, is the one you should
follow.<br />
<br />
Republican or Democrat. Mormon or Not. Does it really matter? NO!!!!<br />
<br />
What matters is that we, as an <b>AMERICAN</b> people, put our <b>trust in GOD</b> and <i>seek his guidance</i> in
our decision of whom will best govern us because...well, GOD knows!</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<br />
That's my peace.</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
Take it or leave it.</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><div class="text_exposed_show">
<span class="highlight">"<b>Trust</b></span><b> in the <span class="highlight">Lord</span> <span class="highlight">with</span> <span class="highlight">all</span> <span class="highlight">thine</span> <span class="highlight">heart</span>; and <u><span class="highlight">lean</span> not <span class="highlight">unto</span> <span class="highlight">thine</span> <span class="highlight">own</span> <span class="highlight">understanding</span></u></b>." (Prov. 3:5) </div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
"<span class="entry">Blessed are all they that put their <span class="keyWord">trust</span> in him</span>," <a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ps/2.12?lang=eng#11">Ps. 2:12</a> (<a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/jer/17.7?lang=eng#6">Jer. 17:7</a>; <a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/hel/12.1?lang=eng#0">Hel. 12:1</a>)<span class="entry"></span></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<span class="entry">"none … that <span class="keyWord">trust</span> in him shall be desolate</span>," <a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ps/34.22?lang=eng#21">Ps. 34:22</a><span class="entry"> </span></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<span class="entry">"<b>better to <span class="keyWord">trust</span> in the Lord than … in man</b></span>," <a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ps/118.8?lang=eng#7">Ps. 118:8</a></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<span class="entry">"whoso <span class="keyWord">trusteth</span> in the Lord, happy is he</span>," <a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/prov/16.20?lang=eng#19">Prov. 16:20</a></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<span class="entry">"putteth his <span class="keyWord">trust</span> in the Lord shall be safe</span>," <a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/prov/29.25?lang=eng#24">Prov. 29:25</a> (<a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/61.13?lang=eng#12">Alma 61:13</a>)</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<span class="entry">"salvation might come to him that should put his <span class="keyWord">trust</span></span>," <a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.6?lang=eng#5">Mosiah 4:6</a></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
"<b><span class="entry">humbled themselves and put their <span class="keyWord">trust</span> in … God</span>,</b>" <a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/5.13?lang=eng#12">Alma 5:13</a><span class="entry"><span class="keyWord"> </span></span></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<span class="entry"><span class="keyWord">"trust</span> in our God who has given us victory</span>," <a class="scriptureRef" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/58.33?lang=eng#32">Alma 58:33</a></div>
</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a> </div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
P.S. I love to hear from you! </div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
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</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-75506652110718819092012-09-14T16:03:00.001-07:002012-09-14T16:03:36.511-07:00I'm still here...I gotta' say, there is a lot of love out there. I can't even begin to express how much it means to me. <br />
<br />
Thank you my dear family, friends, and blogging world buddies, for showing my family and I such copious amounts of support and concern. Thank you for the strengthening and uplifting comments and for the numerous phone calls (sorry to those of you I still haven't called back...there were just so many).<br />
<br />
I seem to have caused a lot of worry over my <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/09/this-is-no-laughing-matter_12.html">last blog</a> post. Please don't be overly concerned. Yes, I had a really REALLY crappy day. And...I wrote about it for all to see.<br />
<br />
I'm not gone. I'm not as bad off as I have been before. Just dealing with a lot and struggling with how to cope.<br />
<br />
I seem to forget that even people who are <i>mentally stable</i> have bad days. I get really worked up about it, wondering if total darkness is hanging in the balance waiting to swallow me up whole again. I forget that it's "normal". <br />
<br />
It gets especially bad when I spend hours and hours on the computer reading of others <a href="http://tofw.com/story/682-i-miss-the-snoring">tragedy and pain</a>. How can one not expect to be affected by that? <br />
<br />
And then to get caught up in the never ending downward spiral of a game called <i>contemplate-and-list-as-many-of-your-worries-and-faults-as-you-possibly-can-in-the-shortest-amount-of-time-until-you-break-down-from-sheer-exhaustion-from-berating-and-belittling-yourself-and-from-heart-break-and-then-try-NOT-to-be-depressed-and-think-you-are-just-about-the-worst-person-in-the-world</i>.<br />
<br />
Yeah....I hate that game. Sigh... you think I would know better. <br />
<br />
But, you see, it's actually a good thing, really. I've been thinking for
some time about compiling a self-improvement agenda...and now I have
one. Granted, the entire world has access to it....not very
flattering...but at least I have a jumping off point. :) <br />
<br />
Please know that I am doing much, MUCH better today. I'm still not 100%, but much better.<br />
<br />
Just trying to focus on things I <b>CAN</b> do, not on what I <i>don't </i>do.<br />
<br />
Roberto is keeping a watchful eye on me. He always does. I'm one lucky lady.<br />
<br />
I'll leave you with one of my favorite, situationally fitting, songs. I've shared it here before, but it's message is always one worth remembering.<br />
<br />
I HOPE you enjoy!<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eOOFAaUGfRE?rel=0" width="480"></iframe>
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com<br />
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-68323716306136791182012-09-12T18:45:00.000-07:002012-09-12T18:45:54.139-07:00This is no laughing matterI seem to be experiencing some sort of emotional hangover this morning.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was a pretty bad day. I often say that I am not a crier and normally that's true. But there are exceptions to the rule...and yesterday just happened to be one.<br />
<br />
It was just one of those days. You know,<i> "those"</i> kind of days.<br />
<br />
I spent the morning reading this <a href="http://tofw.com/story/682-i-miss-the-snoring">amazing woman's story</a>. <a href="http://lisajking.blogspot.com/2012/01/and-then-there-were-four.html">Blog post</a> after <a href="http://lisajking.blogspot.com/2011/10/saying-goodbye.html">blog post </a>after<a href="http://lisajking.blogspot.com/2012/02/our-last-days-together.html"> heart breaking blog post</a>. Such a tragic few months she has had to deal with. Losing her handicapped son and then unexpectedly losing her husband less than 4 months later. <br />
<br />
She writes of tragedy, hurt, heartbreak. She also writes of laughter. Lots of laughter. Love. A household full of love. Friendship. The type that connects one person to another so that they feel incapable of going on without the other. Those kinds of things.<br />
<br />
I cried. I cried a lot. I cried with her, I cried for her. And then I began to cry for myself. Cry for my family. Cry for all that was lacking in our lives. Lacking in our home.<br />
<br />
I cried because if this same kind of tragedy happened to our family, we wouldn't be able to get through it. Not because we wouldn't want to but because there is just not enough laughter and love in our home capable of sustaining us through such strain. We would snap. We would fall apart. We're already falling apart.<br />
<br />
I cried because I can't laugh anymore. Not that I don't laugh. I do. I love to make people laugh and I usually laugh right along. I cover up my true inability with sarcasm and funny stories and things that don't really matter all that much but I never laugh out of pure humor. I never laugh at the silly things my kids do. I smile...sometimes even genuinely...but I never let go and laugh. You know what I mean. The kind of laughter that bubbles up inside of you and springs forth from pure joy. The kind of laughter that makes you feel lighthearted and just plain happy. Yeah...that kind of laughter. I'm just not capable of that any more. And it makes me sad. Very sad. I mourn the loss of it more than I mourn anything else. <br />
<br />
I cried because I'm not sure my children know how much I love them. I DO love them. I just don't know if they know it. Not that I don't say it, I do, but how often do I FEEL it. Hardly ever. And it's hard to fake what you don't feel. At least it is for me. Perhaps I should have taken acting classes. I'm a horrible actress. They know I get frustrated and annoyed by them. They know I try to tolerate them. But do they actually know that I love them? I don't know.<br />
<br />
I cried as this strong woman talked of her brave oldest son, who would now assume responsibility as the "man of the house". I cried because I don't believe my emotionally scarred oldest son would ever offer to do this, as hers did. I cried because of what part I have played in his emotional struggles. I cried because he seems to be irreparably tied to me emotionally and is taking a nose dive right along with me right now. I just hate it. I don't ever ask God "why me?" but I do ask "why him?"<br />
<br />
I cried because not that long ago life was full. I was happy. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/p/through-hell-and-back-more-than-once.html"><b style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">June 2011:</b></a><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"For now I feel good. I feel really good. I can't remember the last
time I walked around day after day with a great sense of well being
and happiness. True happiness. It's amazes me. I'm still in awe.</span>" </blockquote>
I had purpose, felt inspired, and was ready to take on the world of depression and crush it. I felt the dark days were behind me. But I was wrong. I cried because I mourn the loss of those days. The fact that I can't seem to get them back. <br />
<br />
I cried because I can't keep up with life. There are just too many obstacles, too many responsibilities, and too many struggles to take in. I'm overwhelmed with all that pulls at my time, my emotions, and my brain functions. I've lost focus of what's really important and what can be put on the side. It all feels like it should be at the top of the priority list and I can't keep up. And I'm tired. Just tired.<br />
<br />
I cried because I feel powerless to fix any of this. Not <b>HOPE</b>less, there is always <b>HOPE</b>, but powerless....because, on my own,<i> </i>I<i> am </i>powerless. <br />
<br />
and lastly,<br />
<br />
I cried because I have, inadvertently, isolated myself from the only two beings whom <i>have the power</i> to help me, my loving Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. It's wasn't an intentional thing. I didn't intend to separate myself from them. I just got distracted and <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/02/its-hard-to-admiti-am-not-superwoman.html">started putting other things first</a>.<br />
<br />
Then came<b> <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/03/gethsemane-song-hopeful-music.html">the move</a></b>, <b><a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/06/project-savor.html">the miscarriages</a> </b>and the <b><a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/04/he-is-hopethe-only-hope.html">bombshell</a></b>. <br />
<br />
It's no wonder the dark fog of depression started to settle back in and with it the jumbled thoughts, the extreme fatigue, and the lack of desire to do <i>anything</i>. The less I communicated with the Lord, the less I would <i>feel</i>, the less I <i>felt </i>the less desire I had to communicate. It's a vicious cycle.<br />
<br />
And not much has changed.<br />
<br />
I'm trying. I don't think I have the ability to give up completely, even if I really really want to.<br />
<br />
After breaking down again, in conversation with my husband, last night after the kids were in bed, he sighed and said, "So what are you going to do about it?" (So typical of a man, right?) <br />
<br />
and, per my typical answer, "I don't know?"<br />
<br />
And today, I still don't. <br />
<br />
It all seems like too much work. Too much effort.<br />
Just too much. I'm tired.<br />
<br />
I feel like crawling into bed and staying there for a long while. <br />
<br />
I won't. Because...I just don't. But I want to. <br />
<br />
And then again, I don't. <br />
<br />
I want to<i> live</i> again. I want to <i>laugh</i> again. I want to <i>do</i> things for my children and my husband, so they know how much I love them. I want to<i> feel</i> love for them again. I want to<i> help</i> my oldest<i> </i>heal<i> </i>again. I want to <i>be</i> happy. And I want to be<i> filled</i> with the Spirit of the Lord again. To <i>feel</i> close to God again. To <i>bask</i> in his glow.<br />
<br />
I want to know that if my family ever had to face such tragedy, that we would be okay. That, somehow, we would be strong enough to move on, intact.<br />
<br />
<br />
Now I just have to find the motivation to get us to that place. <br />
<br />
I've done it once before and I can certainly do it again.<br />
<br />
Somehow.<br />
<br />
But still, I'm just so tired.<br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-41890951420155437482012-08-18T07:46:00.003-07:002012-08-18T07:47:45.831-07:00"Project 'Nice Words'"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GguIHq8ZsR8/UClN9xHjnmI/AAAAAAAAA80/C75kpqI-df4/s1600/plants3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="425" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GguIHq8ZsR8/UClN9xHjnmI/AAAAAAAAA80/C75kpqI-df4/s640/plants3.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">picture borrowed from <a href="http://tofw.com/story/652-words-just-how-powerful-are-they">here</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I came across an article today on <a href="http://www.tofw.com/"><b>TOWF.com</b> </a>. The article entitled<a href="http://tofw.com/story/652-words-just-how-powerful-are-they#"><b> "Words. Just how powerful are they?"</b></a> (consequently written by one of my most favorite women in the whole entire world) served as a reinforcing reminder of the <b><a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/06/project-savor.html">project</a> </b>I have been working on all summer. Remember <b><a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/06/project-savor.html">"Project Savor"</a></b>?<br />
<br />
I've been thinking a lot about it lately, taking mental notes on my progress, and, in all honesty, wish I were doing better. The whole point was to practice slowing down, simplifying life, and "savoring" that which is most important...my husband and children. You know what? It's been a lot harder than I would like to admit.<br />
<br />
The slowing down....not so much. This last miscarriage has worn my poor old body out and my energy levels are way down. <b>Blegh</b>. So crappy. But it has certainly slowed me down.<br />
<br />
Simplifying life. Okay....I'll give myself that one. I just don't do <b>ANYTHING</b> anymore. That's pretty simple, yeah?<br />
<br />
But the "savoring" my family. That's been a hard one. Do the words "school starts in 9 days, 0 hours, 5 minutes, and 35 seconds...." tell you anything.<br />
<br />
It's not that I don't want to. It's just so much easier to be discontent <u>because you don't have to actually <b>TRY</b></u>. Focusing on the good things in life, the positives, the "brighter side"....now that actually takes effort. Most of the time I'd just rather take a nap.<br />
<br />
I have been very hard on my kids lately. Many a cross word, and even a few <b>cuss words</b> (<i>gasp!), </i>have been bellowed in their general direction as of late and I'm beginning to see the effect it has had on our relationships, their self-esteems and the spirit in our home. And I don't like it. That's why this article had such an impact on me today. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div _mce_style="text-align: center;" align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><a href="http://tofw.com/story/652-words-just-how-powerful-are-they#">"Words are important, influential - even life-changing. What we say and how we say it is crucial - it affects your spouse, children, work associates, extended family, friends,neighbors, strangers...and it affects you."</a></b></div>
</blockquote>
I read it, and plan to read it again and again, until it's message is <i>so deeply implanted in my brain that I will never forget it</i>.<br />
<br />
<br />
So...on top of "Project Savor" I am now going to add <b>"Project 'Nice Talk'"</b>.<br />
<br />
You'll have to read <b><a href="http://tofw.com/story/652-words-just-how-powerful-are-they">Hilary's article</a> </b>to understand the idea behind this new project. I <i><b>HIGHLY</b></i> encourage it. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you! Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-75170743885518711142012-07-16T19:27:00.000-07:002012-07-16T19:27:11.244-07:00To Eternity and Beyond.....Alright...I'm going to get a little personal today (no worries...not <i>that</i> personal).<br />
<br />
I've decided to post a few pictures of my family. All 6 of us. In the flesh.<br />
<br />
(trumpet sounds)<br />
<br />
No, not just because I love them and want to share them with you all (or because I paid lotsa $$$ for this photo shoot)....but, more importantly...for validation. <br />
<br />
That's right. <b> </b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Validation!</b></span><br />
<br />
After seeing these pictures, I believe you will no longer wonder why I'm a little off my rocker.<br />
<br />
Just a hunch....
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd9P_uc_J0_A7wZ8C_TpVd3s3NBJk9hc1_zmc6C8ADX5dEadcSMR7K5N9_6L2Ze6aKIFJ7M4HFbCTeLxMmK-mTZIW233NegXJoF_Sox8LH6b99NIEY6rk6g4giAvqjflvrGTYTFUzh6VA/s1600/Family+Pics+2012+013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd9P_uc_J0_A7wZ8C_TpVd3s3NBJk9hc1_zmc6C8ADX5dEadcSMR7K5N9_6L2Ze6aKIFJ7M4HFbCTeLxMmK-mTZIW233NegXJoF_Sox8LH6b99NIEY6rk6g4giAvqjflvrGTYTFUzh6VA/s640/Family+Pics+2012+013.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Okay...so this is somewhat posed but this actually happen almost daily at our house. Except usually they are using them as light sabers or hitting each other with them. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheSujrnsBHfh5HvPdeJrI094HP6oU_dp12W71nMFVrwsl1yryIsSExnelHPuVtjqBwgdKmiyemhs2Pz8EHnzh-o2c5ZcwvALE5_HplD9JF0kIRSLdoG624xwhPwWRDFJcNpCnqekJKX9c/s1600/Family+Pics+2012+002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheSujrnsBHfh5HvPdeJrI094HP6oU_dp12W71nMFVrwsl1yryIsSExnelHPuVtjqBwgdKmiyemhs2Pz8EHnzh-o2c5ZcwvALE5_HplD9JF0kIRSLdoG624xwhPwWRDFJcNpCnqekJKX9c/s640/Family+Pics+2012+002.jpg" width="425" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yep...that's us. Don't let them fool you....they are not usually this compliant.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrrRwIAoCTTbh5srKIrudwgasuO04ffkdwdpQVjuKNt8EanSg6Ss5-QsA0odWLTAcNgmTWd4C9FFp3_JE2mhCx8L4J4G9518V2VDWR62oa9LLOzanmSzrTfO0EJXwtfV8UXBivmn0N3gc/s1600/Family+Pics+2012+017.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrrRwIAoCTTbh5srKIrudwgasuO04ffkdwdpQVjuKNt8EanSg6Ss5-QsA0odWLTAcNgmTWd4C9FFp3_JE2mhCx8L4J4G9518V2VDWR62oa9LLOzanmSzrTfO0EJXwtfV8UXBivmn0N3gc/s640/Family+Pics+2012+017.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Now this is more like it!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizhcBC0N7AU6s3IUKm_xp-eKWik14J3pu03ltlJXlrLrF4grXlOM52g8mTqBnvkvzhOfGSp4_XVql_wAuvjArTtEzgkc_74lTT84FXxXppxh2KsIn-qZheHrfO60yd9Nuih1YhbViEXgg/s1600/Family+Pics+2012+016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizhcBC0N7AU6s3IUKm_xp-eKWik14J3pu03ltlJXlrLrF4grXlOM52g8mTqBnvkvzhOfGSp4_XVql_wAuvjArTtEzgkc_74lTT84FXxXppxh2KsIn-qZheHrfO60yd9Nuih1YhbViEXgg/s640/Family+Pics+2012+016.jpg" width="424" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My BOYS! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEFy4Ir44ceiKueRA0G0oQDqRS2TuFvw1gMIyolz6Ev4kPBgwKmacrAJbScuYloHzVhjnnJteNa5AfmEukpuTQgpRx_WkWVPxcGJa_7OMR6-QBwX47JNsPDy7Dm2QUvy3kaKlE8Eh2Ba8/s1600/Family+Pics+2012+018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEFy4Ir44ceiKueRA0G0oQDqRS2TuFvw1gMIyolz6Ev4kPBgwKmacrAJbScuYloHzVhjnnJteNa5AfmEukpuTQgpRx_WkWVPxcGJa_7OMR6-QBwX47JNsPDy7Dm2QUvy3kaKlE8Eh2Ba8/s640/Family+Pics+2012+018.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Classic....and spot on. Ewwww...RUN AWAY...their kissing!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Okay....so enough with the joking (only I wasn't joking). <br />
<br />
I truly am grateful to the Lord for trusting me with these four "spirited" boys (as a member of our ward (congregation) put it yesterday). How blessed I am to have a knowledge of <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2011/08/hope-in-eternal-families.html">eternal families</a>. I'm so thankful for mine. I love them. I really do.<br />
<br />
Even more so at nap time...and bedtime (or on library day when we get home and they all sit down quietly on the couch for hours and read/look through books...sigh...it's the BEST).<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
How do I do it? (I often get asked)<br />
<br />
"I'm medicated." (My "go to" answer).<br />
<br />
True story. <br />
<br />
But honestly?<br />
<br />
With the Lords help.<br />
<br />
Now <b><i>THAT</i></b> is a true story.<br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
Photos taken by Alisha of <a href="http://www.leeshylouphotography.com/">Leeshy Lou Photography </a><br />
<br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-12283653312528147732012-06-26T18:35:00.002-07:002012-06-26T18:35:22.570-07:00Hi...My Name is Melanie and I am mature enough to admit that I sleep with a security blanket"Oh...You're just a BABY!"<br />
<br />
These words will forever haunt me. As the youngest of 7 children, each year when my birthday rolls around, I hear these words over and over. This year was no exception. (except this time they came from a friend..ha ha ha). <br />
<br />
At age 31 (and two days), I guess I am still in the stages of infancy, in the grand eternal scheme of things. I get that. But after being told countless times by older siblings how "immature" I was as a pre-pubescent, I'm beginning to wonder if I will EVER "grown up" in some peoples eyes. Sigh....<br />
<br />
Although, being a baby (or "the baby") does have it's advantages.<br />
<br />
#1 Being my dad's "baby girl" (of five daughters) makes me feel just special. He had tears in his eyes as we danced to "Butterfly Kisses" at my wedding reception. The memory still melts my heart. I'll cherish that forever.<br />
#2 Four years ago, when my third child was about one year old, I got to travel "home" without my kiddos. My dad picked me (and my sister) up from the airport and I felt young and free of responsibilities. As I spent the evening with my family, I basked in the glow of being the "baby" again, instead of being at home taking care of my own babies. I needed that. Good Times! <br />
#3 I have 6 older siblings who watch over me with a fierce protectiveness (which may, or may not, be to make up for torturing me as a child.) It's an awesome feeling. Someone's always got my back...and that feels good.<br />
#4 And, most recently, I am more than grateful for my lack of maturity and have found great comfort in reverting to more childlike behavior.<br />
<br />
I'll explain.<br />
<br />
Over two decades ago my mother lovingly "tied" me a quilt for my bed. It was white with little pink flowers. The first several years of it's life saw plenty of use causing plenty of wear. At one point, I took the time to stitch closed, quite haphazardly, the variety of rips and tears it had sustained, using matching white yarn my mother had stored. <br />
<br />
I think I must have loved that little quilt in order to have taken the time to do such a thing. <br />
<br />
Since those days, so long ago, the quilt has followed me around from place to place, forgotten and overlooked, stored on a high shelf in a closet or tucked away in a box somewhere. Despite receiving very little use, it has continued to age. It now looks quite old and sad. The fabric is so worn that the once, white cotton fibers, are now gray and have a worn down, somewhat silky quality to them. There are several "new" holes and tears, and the batting has long since separated in the center (you can hold it up and see the light through it). It has, without a doubt, seen better days.<br />
<br />
Recently, I have rediscovered my love for this old quilt of mine and it has once again been put to good use. We're somewhat inseparable, it and I. I've lovingly named it, my "blankie". It's true...ask my husband. (It's okay...you can laugh.)<br />
<br />
The story... <br />
<br />
This past winter was pretty difficult. I was back in the throws of depression (thanks to my <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2011/10/on-againoff-againout-againthrough-again.html">adventures in life without medication</a>) and I felt cold and numb...emotionally and physically (our previous house was always FREEZING in the winter).<br />
<br />
One day, during nap time, I ended up grabbing the old white and pink quilt, curling up in a recliner with a cup of hot cocoa (my "vodka"--aka life coping liquid, since I don't drink alcohol), and a good book, hoping to find a "happy place" outside the reaches of my own miserable head.<br />
<br />
Something weird happened. It worked. I found it. My "happy place".<br />
<br />
I discovered that not only did this quilt give me warmth physically (I call it "insta-warmth") but it also filled my heart with a warmth of days past. Better days...happier days....easier days. I found myself looking for excuses not to be productive during nap time but to "chill" so I could curl up more often and enjoying the overall good feelings that ensued. <br />
<br />
And then "it" happened.<br />
<br />
In April, amidst the calamity of packing and moving my family (and all that that entails), my world came crashing down around me. I was knocked upside the head with what I term <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/04/he-is-hopethe-only-hope.html">"The Bombshell"</a>. I was shocked, I was hurt and I was, once again, cold and numb. I went to bed that night, curled up cocoon style in "my blankie", trying with all the fiber of my being, to find a sliver of warmth and comfort to get me through the night. <br />
<br />
And so it continued night after night after night.<br />
<br />
As I have worked on recovering (at least from the shock), coping, and healing from "The Bombshell", "my blankie" and I have remained as close as ever. :) As the nights have warmed it has gone from wrapping me in a cocoon, to laying over me, to snuggling at my side and now lays across my pillow.<br />
<br />
It's silky softness against my cheek still has a way of warming my heart and reassuring me that "everything will be okay.... someday".<br />
<br />
The shrapnel from this difficult life experience will forever be with
me. It will never completely go away but as time goes on, the open wounds
will heal. I'll be okay. <br />
<br />
Despite what you might be thinking....I can go without this scrap of cloth. I don't HAVE to sleep with it. I just like to. It's nice to have something tangible to hold on to. Something that will never hurt you. <br />
<br />
Call me a "baby", call me "immature".....whatever. This time it doesn't bother me. In fact, I'll take it as a badge of pride. <br />
<br />
I love "my blankie". It's awesome. <br />
<br />
Don't be too jealous. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqiRPNrp_qtMkZiISjFgodWQjfhpPTWau-JSn4oMIVXTx5BSx9eXcQwP5Ofrq8Px3aX-qa2bOY3h7976j8VgUY7ISzIgo7xKSlfPpBXdASVNWN84CFaWJDV6LLyEy_sdEXNlwF1LvioJA/s1600/017.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqiRPNrp_qtMkZiISjFgodWQjfhpPTWau-JSn4oMIVXTx5BSx9eXcQwP5Ofrq8Px3aX-qa2bOY3h7976j8VgUY7ISzIgo7xKSlfPpBXdASVNWN84CFaWJDV6LLyEy_sdEXNlwF1LvioJA/s320/017.JPG" width="320" /> </a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
For all y'all quirkies out there like me...do you have something tangible like "my blankie" that you cling to in times of need? Just wondering.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
BTW, <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/">MMUW</a> celebrated it's very <b>fir</b><b>st blogiversary </b>5 days ago (the 21st) and I didn't even notice <b>AND</b> this is my <b>100th post</b>. YEAY FOR <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/">MMUW</a>!!! </div>
<br /><a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"></a><br />
<br />
<br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-25887419017059747282012-06-25T00:55:00.000-07:002012-06-25T01:02:03.986-07:00Project SavorYep...I'm one of those bloggers. You know the ones that say they are going to do something and then don't (thinking of my <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/06/thinking-positive.html">last post</a>). Well, there's a reason for not following through on "Project Positivity". It's not a very good one...but one, nonetheless. The day I posted about it was a very "up" day ...and since then, I'm just not feeling it. I'd like to be...but I'm not. Lame, I know. But you know the saying, "It is what it is."<br />
<br />
Instead I'm going to focus on something new.<br />
<br />
"Savoring" life (or "Project Savor" as my mom termed it).<br />
<br />
Savor? Savor? What does it mean "to savor"? I'll tell you... <a href="http://www.audioenglish.net/dictionary/savor.htm#verb"><span class="aedg"><b>SAVOR</b></span> <span class="aedp">(verb)</span></a>:
<b>1.</b> derive or receive pleasure from; get enjoyment from; take pleasure in. <br />
<br />
Hah....that is SO NOT ME. I never take the time to savor anything. ANYTHING. My children,
a freshly cleaned bathroom, a beautiful outdoor landscape, a long luxurious bath or a handful
of yummy chocolatey somethings. Never.
<br />
<br />
<br />
I have a tendency to be very impatient, desiring to move through life at a rapid pace. On to the "next thing" before I can even finish the last. Why walk when you can run? Why wait when you can push ahead? Why slow down when you can speed up? You get the picture. (There is nothing I hate more than being stuck behind someone who actually drives the speed limit. It kills me.) <br />
<br />
I'm always frantically moving on to the "next thing" hoping to find
satisfaction therein. Does it work? NEVER. Quantity over quality. Is it ever enough? No.<br />
<br />
Hmmmm...something to think on...and I have been....a lot. <br />
<br />
I was never one to dream of having children. I just always knew that I would. And I always believed that I would have a fairly "large" family....at least large in most people's perspective. And you know what? I didn't want to drag it out forever. "Just get it over with and move on" was my motto. ("Move on to what?" you ask. "Life silly...." What else?) And believe me...we tried. But it didn't always work out. Five miscarriages interspersed between my 4 children has caused a further spacing than originally planned. (What ever happened to being done by 30?)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrIVZ-YHV1vZcRoQPemKn0AB-q1El7SbetChONcKjxaoijPl0qVCHR-yvDhH2WTXYthewc0a02jxCCjY7aQsnlQuuC_REN3hAhyphenhyphen0tm4J-o9y9t5L21LniFcUZrTFohQ7JhA56634IIOGs/s1600/DSC_0361.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrIVZ-YHV1vZcRoQPemKn0AB-q1El7SbetChONcKjxaoijPl0qVCHR-yvDhH2WTXYthewc0a02jxCCjY7aQsnlQuuC_REN3hAhyphenhyphen0tm4J-o9y9t5L21LniFcUZrTFohQ7JhA56634IIOGs/s640/DSC_0361.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My boys--June 2012</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Each time I have miscarried and received a<a href="http://www.lds.org/study/topics/priesthood-blessing?lang=eng"> <b>priesthood blessing</b></a> the message is always the same "the Lord is grateful for my willingness to bring more children into the world.....it's just not time." And each time I have wondered what exactly that meant.....and, again, each time....after just a little bit of waiting, I've been able to look back and see just what the Lord had in store (hindsight always being 20/20 and all). Each time he has had my best interest at heart and in his infinite knowledge has helped me to learn and grow despite the difficulty of losing a pregnancy and for that I am grateful.<br />
<br />
So after, yet again, another miscarriage last month (the 3rd since last June) I have gotten the same message/feeling. "It's just not time" and I am left wondering, "What am I waiting for? What is it the Lord wants me to learn? What is he "saving" me from, this time? " <br />
<br />
I think I've found my answer in a persistent chain of thoughts...."be grateful for what you have. You have been SO BLESSED with 4 children...take time to realize what you have and enjoy them. Spend time with your boys and LOVE them for who they are. SHOW them you love them. Stop looking forward to what's next...who's next...and when they will be grown and out of the house....Enjoy them while you have them. ETC...."<br />
<br />
In essence....<span style="font-size: large;"><b>"Savor" them.</b></span><br />
<br />
So I ask myself....."Don't I already do that?" Which is a question I already know the answer to..."no". Not that I don't want to....I do....but I just, don't. <br />
<br />
<br />
I always thought I was grateful for my children. I always thought I felt blessed for what I had. But maybe not. I mean, I've said the words, I've prayed them, I've even, on occasion, actually felt them. But is that enough?<br />
<br />
I see now that by always frantically looking forward to "what's/who's next" I have, inadvertently, been telling the Lord that what he has given me is not enough or not good enough. I think I missed the mark thinking that "once I've raised my kids...'done my duty by them'...and they are out of the house, then my life will begin"....without realizing that they ARE my life. They ARE why I am here. AND that is NOT going to change. EVER.<br />
<br />
Maybe once this really takes root in my actions...and even better, my heart....maybe THEN we will be (truly) blessed with our twin girls. :) And then again...maybe not. Maybe this is it for us. 4 rambunctious, naughty little bundles of <i><b>heaven sent</b></i> testosterone.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3gNMO0OqBFF0FcWcfyKAsA7UgkwLmovAWU6khO-wt1eZriGxbZjh3z9pSKUx6xMMY8woluCHoXCHL8q3033XDtYhkPP_k1H9E0mgn6MqL2Tq6WbhxVQETQXIKkZur1bUJB9hER64wX-E/s1600/DSC_0473.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3gNMO0OqBFF0FcWcfyKAsA7UgkwLmovAWU6khO-wt1eZriGxbZjh3z9pSKUx6xMMY8woluCHoXCHL8q3033XDtYhkPP_k1H9E0mgn6MqL2Tq6WbhxVQETQXIKkZur1bUJB9hER64wX-E/s640/DSC_0473.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Always with the sticks--June 2012</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And that's okay. (because really...is that not enough? I must be a glutton for punishment.)<br />
<br />
For now my goal is to take time each day to "savor" them for who they are. To not merely co-exist with them but to celebrate the time I have with them. It's going to be hard for me. I know I'll stumble and lose my way. I have a lot of selfish habits to break. But I'm ready to start doing what I think the Lord is telling me to do. I've got nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain, right? <br />
<br />
So...here's to "Project Savor". Onward and Upward.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghFgMId3LUYJ7Dr32gwnycgbfqCjMR_P9gK4r0ASndiRmUTa30dt8Zfo1tbRCi_FnjdrJMKc4ajzPqJq4WkumtoQUJ-iRdFpN4cEjeBHXCmVFCat5wgHt0-Wgfvr2LPD7g2qq-TC9RnlU/s1600/DSC_0621.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghFgMId3LUYJ7Dr32gwnycgbfqCjMR_P9gK4r0ASndiRmUTa30dt8Zfo1tbRCi_FnjdrJMKc4ajzPqJq4WkumtoQUJ-iRdFpN4cEjeBHXCmVFCat5wgHt0-Wgfvr2LPD7g2qq-TC9RnlU/s640/DSC_0621.jpg" width="424" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brothers--June 2012</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Photos taken by Alisha Hayse of<a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Leeshy-Lou-Photography/146131135492121"> Leeshy Lou Photography</a>, Omak, WA (copyrighted 2012 aka don't steal them..he he he)</span>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-39746945118508649452012-06-02T22:48:00.001-07:002012-06-02T22:48:49.982-07:00Thinking positiveWhew...what a whirlwind life has become. I can hardly catch my breath.
My hormones seem to be all over the place and I'm a basket case. My poor children. My poor husband. Heck, I don't even want to be around MYSELF a lot lately. :)<br />
<br />
I've missed writing. I just can't seem to find the time to do it (too much <a href="http://pinterest.com/melaniegillespi/">Pinterest</a> , calamine lotion application (I hate mosquitoes) and/or new house projects, I guess). I'm trying...<br />
<br />
Today I was introduced, by my friend over at <a href="http://manictomindful.blogspot.com/">From Manic to Mindful </a>, to an awesome phenomenon. One that will hopefully help me pull out of my "from thought to written word" writers block and get down to the nitty gritty of Methodical Musings again. <br />
<br />
The phenomenon is called <a href="http://inneryogini.blogspot.com/p/project-positivity.html">Project Positivity</a>. This brilliant idea was created by the writer of <a href="http://inneryogini.blogspot.com/">Let Go Laughing </a>and has been going for a few weeks now. It's purpose is to help people think positively about themselves...to rediscover (or discover for the first time) who they really are. She has weekly "homework" based on the weeks focus. It helps you accomplish the goal for the week. <br />
<br />
I think it's a brilliant idea and am ready to jump on board (I'm behind...I'll have to catch up...If she accepts my application, of course). <br />
<br />
Anyhow... <br />
<br />
What are all y'all up to? I feel like I have left my blogging buddies behind. I have not been very attentive as of late, have I? I have not forgotten about you. I still think about you often. I HOPE all is well.<br />
<br />
Love, <br />
<a href="http://s1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/?action=view&current=Signature3.png" target="_blank"><img alt="forMMM" border="0" src="http://i1222.photobucket.com/albums/dd488/Melsmethodicalmusings/Signature3.png" /></a><br />
P.S. I love to hear from you!<br />
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
<a href="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory" border="0" height="59" src="http://www.topmommyblogs.com/directory/images//banners/tmb-468x60.gif" width="468" /></a>Melaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734177506438734993noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439274167258781832.post-11286951619612602742012-04-27T15:04:00.000-07:002012-04-27T15:34:06.155-07:00Spring, Medication, and a Loving Heavenly Father<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVrTCsjKHCVvH9Pww3KcKrvZnCua6eD6dvcCCNqtHvWo4nAeAAoJst7elp1a06p19WqGoxsyjN-9Bf7MlaBmDBEx3xh41avgwZTYbB5DNjFby7JOOrhP-a6y02xoRyEr78clYl5ImMgRY/s1600/009.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVrTCsjKHCVvH9Pww3KcKrvZnCua6eD6dvcCCNqtHvWo4nAeAAoJst7elp1a06p19WqGoxsyjN-9Bf7MlaBmDBEx3xh41avgwZTYbB5DNjFby7JOOrhP-a6y02xoRyEr78clYl5ImMgRY/s320/009.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taken in my new back yard</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I have a question for you. How many times can you listen to "I Make My Own Sunshine" back to back in 13-14 minutes? Five. That's what I did during those last few grueling minutes of my elliptical workout this morning. Just thought you might want to know. (see video at the end of the post if you wanna)<br />
<br />
Now don't worry...I'm not here to promote another song today. I know I've been doing that a lot lately. No excuses...promise...except these two: I've been really busy packing/moving/unpacking and I've had nothing to say. Not really. Just a bunch of "not very methodical", boring, blegh stuff. So I decided to keep it to myself. I just wasn't doing so great. Not bad...but not great.<br />
<br />
I'll tell you what though. It's coming back. I can <b>FEEL</b> it (feel being the key word here). You know...THAT feeling. The one where you have a sense of well being, general happiness <u>despite life circumstances</u>, and joy in spite of yourself. You know....when you can actually FEEL things.<br />
<br />
I've been asking myself, "why"? "Why now?" "Why when my world has just turned upside down again (in more ways that one)am I feeling better?"<br />
<br />
Well...I have my theories. <br />
<br />
Eleven months ago <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/p/why-did-i-start-this-blog_17.html">I started this blog</a> because I felt drawn to do so. It was the "good feelings" talking. I was so happy then...had just come out of a long, dark, depressive slumber (with the aid of anti-depressants and <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2011/08/good-better-and-best-of-folic-acid.html">methylfolate</a>.)<br />
<br />
I quote:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">For
now I feel good. I feel really good. I can't remember the last time
I walked around day after day with a great sense of well being and
happiness. True happiness. It's amazes me. I'm still in awe.</span>" (<a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/p/through-hell-and-back-more-than-once.html">Timeline of Discovery and Recover-Through Hell and Back (more than once), June 2011</a>.) </blockquote>
And then...like any medicated person who then, pridefully, decides that they are no longer in need of their "feel good" medications because they are feeling just SO DARN GOOD.....I went off my anti-depressants...as you know. (see <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/p/through-hell-and-back-more-than-once.html">Timeline of Discovery and Recovery-Through Hell and Back (more than once), Aug 2011-Nov 2011</a> for more details)<br />
<br />
Bad idea! Let me repeat....BAD IDEA!<br />
<br />
In November of last year I came to my senses (partially) and went back on anti's (partially) which is where I've been residing since. Until about three weeks ago.<br />
<br />
You see, when I made the decision to go back on anti depressants, I chose to take only half of what I had been taking before.<br />
<br />
Well...starting in February, right about the time my husband was interviewing for his new job, I had a feeling that maybe I should up my anti-depressant dosage again. Go back to the cocktail of medications I had been on last spring when I felt SO GOOD! But I ignored it. The thought came over and over into my head. Each time I dismissed it with excuses, "I'm just being melodramatic", "I'll wait for spring to come and THEN see where I am." "I don't need them." "I'm fine. I'm not great but I'm fine.", etc.<br />
<br />
That was until <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/04/he-is-hopethe-only-hope.html">THAT night</a>. The night my world came crashing down...again. <br />
<br />
And then I knew. I knew I should have listened to those thoughts. I wished, with all my heart, I would have listened to those thoughts. But I didn't. And I was stuck.<br />
<br />
I didn't want to "run to them" now. I didn't want to be one of those poor souls who don't feel like they can cope with life so they drown themselves in alcohol, drugs, etc. (passing no judgement here, of course...not my place).<br />
<br />
I expressed this to my sister who helped me to see that maybe those thoughts were not just thoughts. Maybe they didn't come from me. Maybe they were promptings from the Holy Spirit that were warning me of things to come. Tender mercies from a loving Father in Heaven and his son Jesus Christ to prepare me for what they knew was up ahead.<br />
<br />
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, I knew they were true. I knew it because I <i><b>felt</b></i> it.<br />
<br />
So, the next day, with only a little reluctance (darn my pride)...I started taking the higher dose of anti's.<br />
<br />
And I'm so glad I did. <br />
<br />
No...life in not perfect and stress free. Hardship has not disappeared.<br />
<br />
I'm still dealing with the physical and emotional aftermath of a major move (to the middle of nowhere, remember). We are all still adjusting. Some days are better than others.<br />
<br />
The shrapnel from the <a href="http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/2012/04/he-is-hopethe-only-hope.html">"bombshell"</a> that has changed my life forever (again) has not disappeared...and probably never will completely.<br />
<br />
But there is HOPE in the air and I feel better equipped to handle what has been given to me.<br />
<br />
The fog has lifted and the sun is shinning bright.<br />
<br />
Is it... <br />
<br />
Spring? Maybe. Medication? Maybe. A firm knowledge that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and sent his Only Begotten son Jesus Christ to succor me, lift me up, and strengthen me? Definitely.<br />
<br />
Or, most likely, a combination of all three.<br />
<br />
For now I'm just glad to be <i>happy</i>,<i> <b>feeling</b></i>, and <i>writing<b> </b></i>again. <br />
<br />
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Here's that awesome song if you wanna listen!</div>
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P.S. I love to hear from you! Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
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