August 13, 2011

HOPE in eternal families

Today my emotions are raw and vulnerable.  I have a lot on my mind.

8 weeks ago I found out **SURPRISE** that I was carrying another baby...only to have the pregnancy fail just days later.  While I really am okay with it (like I said, it took us by surprise and not quite ready for it) my hormones are otherwise.  It was at about 8 weeks postpartum with  my last two babies that my emotions tanked.  Stupid, dang emotions.  So...I believe I might be experiencing that again.  Yeay for me!  Luckily, I'm in a much better place of awareness and stability than I was back then.  I'm hopeful it wont last for long.

This morning I was listening to one of my favorite music artist, Hilary Weeks, and heard this song entitled, If I Only Had Today.  As usual my thought's split in two directions...first to my family (my husband and boys) and then to her and hers.

I found Melissa's blog while browsing a blog networking sight one night.  It happened to be the day she and her husband took down the crib of their newly deceased 6 month old triplet Owen.  I was instantly drawn to her story and spent hours going back and reading up on their lives.  Things have not changed for me.  I still feel drawn to her, Owen, her husband and her three other boys.  I feel like I have known them forever.  My heart breaks for them, my heart mourns with them.  It's strange.  Of all the blogs...stories...tragedies...I have come across, I have never been so drawn in...I yearn to comfort them.

It was through her blog that I found this blog yesterday as well.  Another infant death.  Another mourning mama.  My heart breaks all over again...I can't imagine what they are going through.

Now, while I have not lost a child after birth, I now have experienced 3 known miscarriages.

"It's just a fact of life," one OB told me.

True...I believe that is true.

But it is more than's a matter for the eternities.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe that through the modern day prophet, Joseph Smith, Jesus Christ's church, His priesthood and His authority has been restored to the earth.

Along with His proper authority, through His priesthood, was restored the ability for families to be sealed (bound) together not only until death doth part them, but for ETERNITY.  Through that authority Rob and I have been sealed in one of God's Holy Temples (Manti, UT) and believe, with out whole hearts, that these children we have lost will be ours again some day.

The prophet Joseph Smith taught...through revelation from the Lord Jesus spoken here by his nephew Joseph F. Smith:

"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and, pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: 'You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.'
There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volumes of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us."  (found here)

Rob and I know we will have an opportunity to raise these spirits that have gone on, before we even had the chance to know them (which is somewhat releaving ...I can't imagine having 7 kids right now...sheesh).  It doesn't make the sadness go away but it makes it a lot easier to bare.

Joseph Smith, a man who lost six children of his own, also taught:
“I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again.”  (quote found here).

It is because of my firm testimony in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ I can mourn with understanding.  I would be so lost not knowing these truths.  

So for now...I can say goodbye to that spirit, who I didn't even get to feel move inside me, and look forward to the day that I will raise HER (you see that...HER...oh please let it be a her  :)...) some day. :)
Melissa, or anyone else out there who may have lost a child and is reading this, just know that I KNOW these things are true.  I KNOW you can see your sweet baby boy (Owen), or girl, again and that your family can be together...bound...sealed...for eternity.  I have prayed to my Heavenly Father and asked for confirmation of this truth and he has answered my prayers...many times over. 

So...while my emotions may be all out of wack...I still have peace that things are going to be okay...and for that, I am SO grateful.


P.S. Leave a comment! I love to hear from you!


Melanie said...

Did I really just post that? Yep, I did. Wow...sometimes I surprise myself. Nothing like bearing ones soul to a bunch of strangers huh?

Natalie J said...

Wonderful post, Mel! Love you! Love the work you are doing!

DancingPrincessDesigns said...

It's the grief that allows us, even encourages us to turn to Him and be comforted in the knowledge of an Eternal definitely made the whole concept less abstract for my family, to believe, to KNOW that we will be with our boy Samuel again. Thank Heaven for eternal families, for love that lives beyond the grave, and our knowledge of it's existence.
Hugs and loves, Mel!

Jessie said...

I don't know you but a friend of mine told me to come to your site and it was just what i needed! in the past six months we have lost to babies as well. It has by far been the hardest thing that I have ever gone through. I have a two year old little boy but I still can't understand sometimes why we felt so prompted to have another child, that we would lose 2 in a row. The Lord works in misterious ways sometimes but I truly do believe what Joseph Smith said that we will get to raise those children in the next life. Thanks again for your comments about what you have gone through.

Celeste said...

I'm so sorry Mel for the ache you have felt for that baby! Even if the timings not quite right I'm sure it still hurts! I loved your testimony! I too believe all you said! How great to know what we know! Love you!

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

I've only miscarried once very early on---I appreciated you being so open with your thoughts on this. My sister-in-law just miscarried yesterday, that was her 2nd miscarriage and she had also lost twins who were born too early. It's comforting to know that they are all in better place.

Hopefully you'll be doing better soon. I'll send prayers your way!

Ginger said...

Hi Melanie! Thanks for visiting my blogs and leaving me comments. I had to come over and check yours out as well. You are such a great writer.

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. My last pregnancy was very similar... I found out I was pregnant (surprise as well!) and then miscarried two weeks later. It was especially hard for me because we were trying to decide if we should have another baby or not. I felt like we should and my husband said no. I felt like the pregnancy was an answer to my prayer, but then I lost it. We decided after that (more my husband than me) we were done. My depression after each baby just got worse with each baby and we felt like we couldn't risk it again.

Sorry to leave you a novel... I just want you know that I understand. I hope you feel better soon. :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers Melanie! Can you believe that mamajonas is an ex-coworker of mine? Her little man passed just one week after Owen's funeral. Same town, two different babies, same month. Infant deaths were always something taboo until I found out how often they really do pass. It's not so uncommon. Frightening. Then add on miscarriages and the number gets even worse.

Thank you for the post and for your prayers!
Love, Mel

jess (mumbo designs) said...

I'm sorry Mel. I know that things will work out just as they are supposed to. I am glad that you are able to share your story to be an inspiration to all of us around you.

Ariane and Wyatt said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please know that you are being thought of. Thank you for always sharing kind and inspiring words with so many around you. I'm sure you're blessing the lives of many along the way.

Candle Ends said...

You're good folks, Mel. Keep a stiff upper lip.

Rebecca said...

Melanie - so saddened by your loss :(
but inspired by your testimony of eternal families! thank you for sharing - and for bearing your soul to we strangers!!

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