July 30, 2011

The blessing of trials...

"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted...All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable...It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire."  (Orson F. Whitney quoted by Paul V. Johnson in the May 2011 Ensign, here)

Yeah...dealing with hard things sucks.  I was about to write that I would NEVER go through the last four years again...but I stopped myself.  The truth is, I'm grateful to be over with that time...for now...but I'm thankful for the results.  

You'll have to excuse me if I've already said this before...I'm a bit forgetful but...

In April my mother-in-law asked my husband how it felt to have "the wife back that [he] married."  He told her "it feels good."  I couldn't help but smile as he related the conversation back to me (yeah, I actually smiled...for real...all the way to my eyes...and I meant it...it was great...it IS great).  

But then I realized how inaccurate that statement was and said, "yeah...but I'm not that same person."  

And, it's true.  I am not the same wife.  I am not the same mother.  I am not the same girl.  

I had changed...drastically and for the better, I hope.  I've learned lessons that I could not have learned any other way.  I have a different perspective on life and on the eternities.   

After reading Elder Johnsons conference address (sited above) I told Rob how excited I am about the future crop of trials we will have to face.

Now...before you think I have gone off the deep end, I will explain it to you, just as I had to do for him. 

I don't want to actually SUFFER (I'm not a masochist people) but I am grateful for what I have experienced, now that it's OVER.  I have LEARNED so much, especially about myself, and have grown STRONGER in faith, spirit and person.  I have realized that I am FAR more resilient than I thought I was (and hope my children are too...poor things).  

"Are you kidding," he said, looking at me much like you are probably doing right now, "I'm not excited about having to go through anything bad."  (Wimp...hehe just kidding.  My Roberto is an INCREDIBLE man.  Any lesser man would have left me at my worst (heck...I would have left myself if I could have) but he held on patiently, waiting for my return to "normalcy".)

I guess it's just a matter of perspective.  You can either look at the trial, or the result.

Give a listen to this song...it lends an amazing perspective.  I love it.

Who knows, I may experience that deep kind of self-loathing, hopeless depression again.  I hope not.  But...if I do...I know there is a way out.  I've been there before...I've come out the other side...I can do it again...and I'll be better off for it.

Sometimes life totally sucks...but there are lessons to be learned and strength to be gained.  

Go read this address...then come back and tell me what you think.  

Do it (even if you are not LDS).  I dare you.  I double dog dare you.  What can it hurt?

Signing out...



Natalie J said...

I am glad you learned what you did, over the last four years. I wouldn't wish a repeat for you. Love you! You are doing a great job expressing your thoughts/feelings!

Ariane and Wyatt said...

I very much appreciate your thoughts and your willingness to share your experiences. As one who has struggled with depression and anxiety, I in turn have gained such gratitude for others who willingly share their experiences in order to bless the lives of others. You are doing just that! You are wonderful! Thank you for the information you share about MTHFR. I will definitely look into that. There is much still to be learned about depression and I consider each new piece of information a great blessing. I will continue to stop by your blog often! Keep shining and sharing your message and testimony with others!

Celeste said...

I just listened to that talk last week! What a great thing to remember. Everything happens to make us stronger! Keep it up Mel!

Rebecca (aka: Messy Musings) said...

I suppose this goes to show that great minds think alike, eh?!! I don't really remember reading this post of yours - but probably did (July wasn't my best month). Amazing what a similar path our thoughts have taken - so similar to my last blog posting (http://messofmusings.blogspot.com/2011/09/it-takes-everyone.html)

And guess what?!! I also LOVED Elder Johnson's talk in Conference last April. And I also LOVED Elder Kent F. Richards talk from Saturday morning!! Counting the days until the next Conference :D

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