July 15, 2011

Do I have to be "up" all of the time?

DoI have to be "up" all of the time?  Am I allowed to have bad days every now and again?

Sometimes I wonder.    

My husband tells me it's "normal."  He tells me that everyone feels this way sometimes.  That it's okay.

I guess I know that, logically.  I do.  But I can't help but think of what it could mean.  It frightens me.  I don't want to crash down.  I can't do it again.  It's too soon.

I can hear Rick (counselor man) saying, "So what?  What's the worst that can happen?"

"You mean other than feeling utterly miserable and hopeless and wanting to either run away or die.  Not to mention putting my family through pure hell all over again."  You mean other than that?  Nothing I guess."

I feel tired, unmotivated, irritable...and just plain blegh. 

Could it be that I just got back from vacation and am still trying to play "catch up" (and not doing a very good job of it), or that I have been down one kid for four days and now that he is home there is way more chaos, fighting, and over abundant silliness, or maybe it's because I am stressed over 10 extra pounds, that have taken up residence on my middle, with little motivation to work them off and instead console myself with Butterfinger ice cream? 

Could it be that I am sleep deprived, suffering from writers block, and not sure where to go from here?  Or could it just be because it is "that time of the month"?

Whatever the reason...I'm sure it will pass. 

At least I hope it will pass. 

It's much nicer being on the up side of things. 

Just keeping it real...


Sheri said...

Blame it on that time of the month and eat some icecream......I wouldn't worry until that time has passed at least.
We all have times that just lack motivation and luster (especially during "that" time). I swear I went on a little vacation withdrawl too.

Lisa Merkley said...

Glad you're back! Let's have some girl time and chit chat. I love talking with you!

Anonymous said...

Okay--So, here's some perspective. If you didn't have down days, you wouldn't realize how great it feels to be up. It's all about opposites. Although the downs are no fun, they do make the ups that much sweeter. You wouldn't know the joy if you didn't feel the pain. And it is COMPLETELY normal to have some days that just plain suck. It's when all of your days are down that you might need to worry. I love you, and hang in there!

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