September 14, 2012

I'm still here...

I gotta' say, there is a lot of love out there.  I can't even begin to express how much it means to me. 

Thank you my dear family, friends, and blogging world buddies, for showing my family and I such copious amounts of support and concern.  Thank you for the strengthening and uplifting comments and for the numerous phone calls (sorry to those of you I still haven't called back...there were just so many).

I seem to have caused a lot of worry over my last blog post.  Please don't be overly concerned.  Yes, I had a really REALLY crappy day.  And...I wrote about it for all to see.

I'm not gone.  I'm not as bad off as I have been before.  Just dealing with a lot and struggling with how to cope.

I seem to forget that even people who are mentally stable have bad days.  I get really worked up about it, wondering if total darkness is hanging in the balance waiting to swallow me up whole again.  I forget that it's "normal". 

It gets especially bad when I spend hours and hours on the computer reading of others tragedy and pain.  How can one not expect to be affected by that? 

And then to get caught up in the never ending downward spiral of a game called contemplate-and-list-as-many-of-your-worries-and-faults-as-you-possibly-can-in-the-shortest-amount-of-time-until-you-break-down-from-sheer-exhaustion-from-berating-and-belittling-yourself-and-from-heart-break-and-then-try-NOT-to-be-depressed-and-think-you-are-just-about-the-worst-person-in-the-world.

Yeah....I hate that game.  Sigh... you think I would know better.

 But, you see, it's actually a good thing, really.  I've been thinking for some time about compiling a self-improvement agenda...and now I have one.  Granted, the entire world has access to it....not very flattering...but at least I have a jumping off point.  :)

Please know that I am doing much, MUCH better today.  I'm still not 100%, but much better.

Just trying to focus on things I CAN do, not on what I don't do.

Roberto is keeping a watchful eye on me.  He always does.  I'm one lucky lady.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite, situationally fitting, songs.  I've shared it here before, but it's message is always one worth remembering.

I HOPE you enjoy!
P.S. I love to hear from you!
Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com
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Messy Musings said...

not sure why I don't remember that song from before... thought I'd read every post on MMUW. but I just have to say - THANK YOU - I really needed to hear that today!! so glad you are still here :o)

Susie said...

You're amazing Mel. I admire your strength so much. Take care & know that we're always pulling for you & your beautiful family.

Christy said...

I'm glad you're doing better today. You know, AA has a saying "one day at a time" and it doesn't just apply to addicts. It applies to anyone who is struggling with ANYTHING. You hold on for one more day and maybe one more, and one more again and you find that things look a little brighter. I'm glad you're on the brighter side today. Love you!

Jess said...

I'm glad you're doing better, been praying for you :)

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