October 13, 2011

Update on an Update

I just wanted to give an update on how things are going.  Someday I may actually get back to feeling "Methodical" and care to share some of my "Musings" but, for now, I'm stuck in a rut of "Unbalanced Woman-ness".

I'll get there again....I will.

So after posting Post Anti-depressants Independence--Update #1, one of my friends/readers (Jocelyn) asked,
What about the [methylfolate]? Did you increase it to compensate for being off of the antidepressants? Not sure if it works that way, but might be worth exploring.
The answer was "no".  I had not increased my methylfolate intake.  It had never occurred to me.  DUH!!!!! (thanks "J")

Since I wasn't sure if it would make a difference (and certainly didn't want to pay for it if it wouldn't) I decided to e-mail Dr. Rawlins.  I sheepishly told him that I had come off the anti-depressants without his advise (going through my primary care doctor instead, even though Dr. Rawlins had offered to help), and told him how I had been slowly tanking ever since.  He e-mailed me back within a few hours (man, it pays to have him in my network of doctors).

He suggested I up my dose 4x's....give it a few weeks....and if things did NOT improve....we would discuss going back on the lowest dose of the anti's I was on before.  He said, "Most people have responded to just the increase dose of [methylfolate]."

I am so grateful for his willingness to help.  I really am.  But all I could think was...."Holy cow...4x's....that's insane...."

Well...sometimes I can be as stubborn (and cheap...and as stupid) as a mule.  I didn't want to jump up 4x's without knowing first if I really NEEDED that much. 

So I met him half way.....I doubled my intake. I have a feeling I may be coming back in a few weeks and saying to y'all...."okay....maybe I should have just followed the doctors orders in the first place" but I have to know how this dose works first.  It may just be a stepping stone...and so be it...I just want to know.

So far....I'm feeling a little better.  I'm "surviving" which is better than "diving"

I haven't had any bouts of anger or RAGE since I last reported.  Iirritation, frustration, of course, I do have four boys after all, but nothing over the top.  Thank goodness!

But I'm still not feeling "up to par".  That's just it actually....I'm not really "feeling" anything.  I've slumped back into the, "I know I love you, but I can't FEEL it" stage.  That's just not acceptable to me.  Now that I know that it's possibility to actually thrive on feeling of LOVE and JOY...I just wont settle for less.  It's no way to live....not FEELING.  My husband and children deserve more.

So....I wait.  It's only been 4-5 days since upping the dose....I'll give it a little more time.

In the meantime...keep coming back.  I'm sure I'll have things to say...they just may not be as "profound" as they used to be. 

Also, please take a minute to vote for MMUW on Top Mommy Blogs by clicking on the brown banner below.  The more awareness...the more HOPE there is for those of us out there who are struggling.  Thanks! 

P.S. I love to hear from you! Leave a comment or e-mail me at melaniesmethodicalmusings at gmail dot com.  Please VOTE for MMUW!  Help me spread HOPE! Click the banner. Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory


Valerie said...

I've got Joe taking it...I'm up to 4 pills a day because of what's been going on lately and he's at 5 and thinking 6 will be his magic number. He feels a lot better and we think it might be improving his lupus as well. So thanks to you we're doing well!

Melanie said...

I'm so glad you guys are doing well. It's amazing what can happen when you start getting the right kind of supplementation into your body.

You might want to think about getting Joe on a Rx dose (the lowest RX dose is 7.5mg). Also...one of the companies makes a 5mg capsule. If you want more info you can e-mail me about it.

Love Ya Val.

Me said...

Hang in there and thanks for the update...after reading your last post I actually upped my dosage as well...after reading this one I'm reminded to stick with the higher dose, so thanks for that too. This is quite the journey, isn't it? (and I'm pretty sure that it doesn't help if/when horomonal issues get thrown into the mix. Really?! Do we have to find balance for ALL of these things? And the answer, of course, is yes. Mind, body, spirit- that's a whole lotta balancing to do! )

Melanie said...

Thanks "Me" (he he he). and you are SO right. Life is just one huge balancing act.

and if you ask me...

Achieving balance is HIGHLY overrated (j/k). I only say that because I am not very good at it. :)

miss.complicated said...

Late comment, I know, but I've been busy and overwhelmed, so just managed to get back and look for your progress report. Dr Rawlins wanted you to take HOW MUCH??? I don't know your inital dose, but increase by 4x? I'm taking 4, and feeling "ok" but not convinced it's the folate or not. Wonder if a higher dose would really do it.

Melanie said...

Miss Complicated,
thanks for commenting. I'm sorry your life is so crazy. I've decided that that is just how life is. Now I have to learn to cope with it.

To answer your question, Dr. Rawlins wanted me to bump up to 15mg a day. It may work for some people..but after much prayer I felt that it wasn't for me. At least not for now. So...there you have it.

miss.complicated said...

Thank you. :) Here's to finding balance for all of us, one way or another.

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